Sex


W T F!!! ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION MYSTERY SOLVED!

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“Gravity can be the wait of the world for many men, often not discussed because of the sensitive nature of the tissue.”

Bearing the burden of a heavy proof, erectile dysfunction (ED) is nothing more than a classical mechanical engineering problem, says a US urologist. Thanks to mathematical models of penile geometry and hydrostatic pressure, doctors can predict when penises will fail, so says the Doc, Daniel Udelson, a research urologist and professor of aerospace engineering at Boston University.

Because I slept through physics, I was reminded, the most widely investigated parameter of penile rigidity (a boner) is Intracavernosal Pressure (a pre-boner, or ICP) – the fluid pressure achieved by blood build-up (a rush) in the two expandable “caverns” of the penis. For a healthy man, the erect ICP is between 60 and 90 millimeters, but can drop to just 30 millimeters in men with erectile dysfunction (ED, or; no boner).

That penis “bucklometer” thing up there in the picture proves it, and I’m betting you’re going to see this handy item in the just before Christmas issue of the Sharper Image Catalog. I mean, Richard Thalheimer owes me royal dutch for that suck-ass “Ionic Breeze” I got last year, which just “sits there,” doing little more than circulating hot air, not unlike its nameless giver.

Lest you have slept for the past ten years, anti-impotence drugs, such as Viagra, work by relaxing arterial muscles and allowing more blood, and hence more pressure, to build up in the penis. (I have no problem in discussing sensitive tissues with you, my friends and rabid readers. I share your pain, and offer a science backed bedroom excuse; “Damn ICP, I told you not to bend!)

But Dr. Udelson, needed more, and began thinking about penis geometry – specifically the ratio of width to length (aka a right angle) and how this ought to play a significant role in the robustness of an erection against the force of sexual intercourse (e.g; a not so robust sexual recipient).

RESEARCH LINKED TO 300 YEAR OLD POLE POSITIONER

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So, what Dr. Udelson did (hide the children), was develop a model that would predict the buckling force, based on penis length, circumference and the ease of expandability over a range of ICPs. This weird science is a direct adaptation of building column buckling research by the Swiss mathematician Leonhard Euler, whose 300th birthday was this past April 15. (Three ironies of note: 1. April 15 is indeed a back “buckling” day for many. 2. Euler is pronounced, “oiler.” 3. “Leonhard” is a name derivative of “hard lion). Sorry for the cognitive interuptus, all in the name of science, you know.

Udelson tested the model against 57 men with erectile dysfunction. Each was measured by slowly (thankfully) injecting their penises with saline solution until erect. (What fun!) Udelson then applied a force to the tip of each penis until they started to bend, the first sign of buckling. (“Breaker-breaker, good buddy!” Again, sorry, but note; 1. Finding ED sufferers is easy, just a walk in the park, and why the “sample” was expanded to 57 is because, “variety is the spice of life,” I recall. 2. I was busy, and did not contact Dr. U to find out percentages and performances amongst cut and uncut species 3. Like you, I was mildly curious if money changed hands here, but there are polite limits to questioning allowed, lest you appear a “jerk” in this august scholastic circle).

Now, witnesses attested the model correctly predicted the buckling forces for 80% of the enduring patients. Force applied ranged from about 2 kilograms to just 0.3 kg, given a pressure of 50 millimeters. Doctor U also rightly postulated the buckling force during intercourse doesn’t just rely a man’s blood flow and penis shape, but also depends on the destination of the penis. (Bravo! 57 hard dicks, and no friends. And, no, I was not an invited witness or otherwise. This is indeed earth moving, rocket science thinking, here).

Previous studies have found that the force required in penetration depends on orifice diameter and lubrication, ranging from 1.5 to 2.5 kg. So, “an individual male may exhibit ED with one partner but not with another,” said Udelson. Brilliant, I say! (Note: Theorem ~ lubrication is to slick as Euler is to “oiler”).

Not to belittle Doctor Udelson’s research, as I’m always a little miffed with myself for lack of self-pressure and sometimes desire, when long ago I too was in the protective womb of the University. I sincerely hope the trustees at Boston U fully appreciate the painstaking thrust behind this climactic study and future ramifications.

Likewise, due to restraint, my spotty homage to Leonhard Euler is nothing more than embarrassing. Euler’s principles enabled erection of taller structures, most notably and firstly; the Eiffel Tower, and he was indeed a man who came well before his time.

As a belated birthday tribute, I relate in 1727, Leonhard entered the “Paris Academy Prize Problem competition,” where the problem that year was to find the best way to place the masts on a ship. He won second place, losing only to Pierre Bouguer, a man now known as “the father of naval architecture.” Euler, however, would eventually win the coveted annual prize twelve times in his career. (“Hey, Sailor Boy!” Three closing notes here: 1. On losing the prize, “getting it up is not the same as getting it in.” 2. On
twelve subsequent conquests; “try, try again, patience is a virtue, all good things…” 3. To Pierre Bouguer; “whatever floats your boat”).

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Our Research ~ Journal reference: UK Journal of the Royal Society Interface (DOI: 10.1098/rsif.2007.0221)

ADD ME.

New York a couple of days ago occasioned to have me walking down West 54th and just past the building most still call “Studio 54.” It doesn’t look like much is going on there now, and appears to be occupied by several offices and other tenants. What a place that was. It really wasn’t that hard to get in the door. You just had to be “wired” in one way or another, or act like you were. I’m mean, even Lillian Carter got in. I doubt the Secret Service let her get loose upstairs where everybody knew the main circuit breakers were “humming.” No matter. Once you were in the club, you were “in.”

Among other things, I’d say Studio was the blueprint of most of the internet social networking sites we’ve got today. Everybody is getting in one, or better, several. Who doesn’t have a My Space space? Remember when email was a passing phase like CB radios? If you’re wired, you too can secure your space.

We figured out during the Studio sexual revolution days, that having casual sex wasn’t necessarrily the cause of large psychiatrist’s bills, and nobody suggested that Pia Zadora was en route to Hell. Everybody was just getting wired to one another. Hooking up on the Internet is very much the same. I’m sure that kindly older dood interrupting the TV with his commercials is turning some coin making matches with lost soulmates online, but everybody else, and particularily women, are just widening their social and sexual circle. And for free. Sure, just like Studio, there’s plenty of trouble when you’re not looking, but for a bunch, it’s just a no-strings-attached social and often sexual experience.

Being wired has it’s positive and negatives for men and women, and I think the two movies here, both from France, are a pretty good “studio” of where it is today.

MEETING ONLINE

MEETIC.FR

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12 April, 2007 ~ If Col. Lindberg’s baby were with us today, he would be 75, a good age. Anyhow, I have never been quite satisfied with the outcome of the trial. The following sighting is an update to the outcome of this post:

“We never intended to take Dannielynn from anyone, we were just here in case Prince Von Anhalt was the father. We wish Larry luck in raising Dannielynn and we wish him the best.” ~ Spokesforce on hand in the Bahamas. More follows,

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Prince von Anhalt on Dannielynn

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

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This is a partial transcript from “On the Record,” April 10, 2007, that has been edited for clarity.GRETA VAN SUSTEREN, HOST: Howard K. Stern is not the only one disappointed with today’s paternity announcement. There is also Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Fredric von Anhalt. He joins us on the phone from his Bel Air home. His lawyer Chris Fields is in L.A.

Prince Fredric, is disappointment the word to describe how you feel tonight, the proof being that it’s Larry Birkhead who is the father and not you?

FREDRIC VON ANHALT, ZSA ZSA GABOR’S HUSBAND: No. I’m not very disappointed. I’m not disappointed at all, you know, it’s just that I was a tiny bit upset, you know, because I would like to have the child. I would love to have a baby in the house, you know, but on the other side, I was very happy that Larry Birkhead is the father now and not Howard Stern.

Happy also that my wife is not so much upset because bringing a child home, you know, being married to Zsa Zsa Gabor for 20 years, bringing home a child would be terrible for her and would have upset her very much and she was very happy when she had the news today.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, well, that’s — and Larry likewise is happy. You know, now that Larry Birkhead is the father, I know that you got into a bit of a spat with Bill O’Reilly, he called you a fraud over this whole fatherhood thing and that you filed a lawsuit against Bill O’Reilly and FOX News. Are you still going to go forward with it now that Larry is the father?

ANHALT: Well, you see, if I — I don’t know if I could.

CHRIS FIELDS, PRINCE ANHALT’S ATTY: Let me interrupt, Greta.

ANHALT: No, no, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute; he calls me a fraud because I told him I had an affair with Nicole? It doesn’t matter if Larry Birkhead is the father or not, I could have been the father, I never said I am the father. I said I could be father. But he said because I said I had an affair with Nicole that’s not true and he calls me a fraud. That’s how what he did. You know, and that is all.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, Chris, you want to get in on this. Chris, who is your lawyer. Chris, you want to get in on this.

FIELDS: Well, I just wanted to caution Frederic on saying too much out of the league sphere. We’re proceeding with the process. It remains to be seen how far we’ll take it, but we are very serious about the suit.

VAN SUSTEREN: You know, Chris, it’s very interesting because as I understand the lawsuit, the prince said that they didn’t like he didn’t like being called a fraud that that reflected on his credibility. And what I’m sort of — I’m a little fixated on the whole fact that, you know, that he’s worried that his word isn’t any good anymore, yet he publicly comes out and says that when he said “I do” to Zsa Zsa Gabor 20 years ago that apparently his word wasn’t good there either because he had an affair.

ANHALT: I tell you. I want to tell you something.

VAN SUSTEREN: Go ahead, Prince.

ANHALT: I want to tell you something, if I get — when we go to court, if I see Bill O’Reilly in court and I will prove, then I will come with witnesses and also places where I was with Anna Nicole. Right now there is not a fight. If I get into a fight I bring you the proof and the Bill O’Reilly will look stupid, there. I’m telling you that right now. But, on the other side, Bill O’Reilly has one choice, you know, either I see him in court or at least he apologizes.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, being a — Prince, if you wanted to bring the proof to me, I’ll be happy to put it on the air.

ANHALT: No, I’m going to bring it to court.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, well OK, bring it to court, then. Whatever. It certainly is an interesting lawsuit to put it lightly and gently. And we’ll follow this one.

FIELDS: And Greta.

VAN SUSTEREN: Yes, Chris.

FIELDS: If I can interrupt. Being called a fraud has a definite, very bad criminal and civil connotation. Being called a philanderer…

VAN SUSTEREN: I agree. You know what, Chris? I think being called a philanderer, I think that’s lame. You know, it says that when you say “I do” that your word is no good. I mean, I don’t know. Maybe call me old fashion.

FIELDS: Well, we have a lot of public and media figures who, unfortunately, they cheat on their spouses. And it’s just — it’s an unfortunate fact of our pop culture, if you will.

VAN SUSTEREN: And that is good for another whole show you and the prince now have to do another whole show on that one. Anyway.

FIELDS: Yeah.

VAN SUSTEREN: Prince, thank you for joining us again. Chris, thank you as well.

ANHALT: OK.

FIELDS: Thank you.

AFTERNOON UPDATE 1:30 PM PST/NO DECISIONS TODAY. COURT NEXT IN SESSION TUES. 4/10 2:30PM AST

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Today could be the day of reckoning for Prinz Frederic von Anhalt, 65, spouse to legend Zsa Zsa Gabor, 90, both current residents of Bel Air, CA. Frederic, together with a cast of plenty are claiming paternity to Dannielynn, the near seven month old baby daughter of recently deceased actress Anna Nicole Smith. von Anahlt surprised most admitting to a past extra-marital affair with Ms. Smith, and subsequently insisted upon contributing a sample some ten days ago, believed buccal, to prove his assertion to be child’s natural father. Sources in the Bahamas say labratory results are now available, however, it remains uncertain whether the judge will allow same into testimony in today’s Supreme Court proceedings, now in active session. On reporting for the DNA test, von Anhalt offered, “I felt like it.” Attorney Fields representing Frederic summed the action, “we are playing catch-up.”

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NACHMITTAG UPDATE-1:30 P.M. PST/NO ENTSCHEIDUNGEN HEUTE. GERICHT ZUNÄCHST IM LERNABSCHNITT TUES. 4/10 AST

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Heutiger Tag konnte der Tag der Abrechnung für Prinz Frederic von Anhalt, 65, Gatte zur Legende Zsa Zsa Gabor, 90, beide gegenwärtigen Bewohner der Bel-Luft, CA Frederic, zusammen mit einer Form von viel sein behaupten Vaterschaft zu Dannielynn, die nahe siebenmonatliche alte Babytochter des vor kurzem gestorbenen Schauspielerin Anna Nicole Smith. von Anahlt überraschtes Zulassen zu a hinter Extra-ehelicher Angelegenheit mit Ms Smith und nachher beharrt nach dem Beitragen einer Probe einigen 10 Tagen, geglaubtes bukkales, um seine Behauptung zu beweisen, um natürlicher Vater vor des Kindes zu sein. Quellen in den labratory Resultaten des Bahamas Sagens sind jetzt vorhanden, jedoch bleibt sie, ob der Richter selben in Zeugnis in den heutigen Gerichtverfahren erlaubt, jetzt im aktiven Lernabschnitt unsicher. Auf Bericht für den DNA Test, bot von Anhalt an, „ich fühlte wie es.“ Rechtsanwalt fängt das Darstellen von Frederic summierte die Tätigkeit, „wir spielen sich verfangen-oben.“
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Frederic tests lies, onlookers, LA attorneys Lee & Fields hold case

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Mark “Hollywood” Hatten

“Are you allowed to have cigars in prison?” There are three questions I want answered by Mark “Hollywood” Hatten, and that was the first. Remember “Hollywood?” I didn’t until last night when I was searching a tech site for an updated display driver, and there he was, or his “exclusive” story anyway, permalinked to the ATI specs review I needed. (Sorry, I didn’t read your article about Mark, gentle writer, but I will if I can find my way back). Since you don’t remember “Hollywood,” and to your benefit, some of it is coming back to me, Mark is the brother of Jackie Hatten who is famous for some beach sport, volleyball I think, who was befriended by Anna Nicole Smith during a visit to the beauty parlor. Jackie turned out to be none so kind in her ruminations on network TV following Anna’s death. This I do remember because when she spoke I was thinking, “gee, some friend.” Anyhow, Jackie set up Anna with Mark, and the rest is his history. When you are in between searches for software drivers, hop over to Mark’s site: www.markhollywoodhatten.com. (Do not be surprised if this site is gone. Since I wrote this article, Our buds at “ISHOWARDKSTERNAMURDERER.COM” have disappeared, along with others, now that Howard Stern seems to be getting serious.)

After spending some time there, my second question for Mark is; “How did you come to pick up the name ‘Hollywood’.” I’m sorry Mark, but your writing left me a little sad, actually. Surely I missed something, but as I read, Mark dated Anna for some two years, gave a sperm and saliva? sample to Anna’s “private” doctor, Anna broke up with Mark, Howard K. Stern at 5’8″ killed Mark, 6’5,” who woke up from the dead in a bathtub four days later, Howard ran Mark off, Mark stalked Anna, held a knife to her throat and threatened Howard with bodily harm, and Mark is winding up his subsequent guilty conviction with a seven year full stretch in the stir for the grief dished him – and it’s all, “documented.” Put the kids away, as with any Anna Nicole story, here’s where it gets graphic. Mark’s sperm sample was to be cryonically preserved, just like J. Howard’s, for Anna’s exclusive future use, and I guess the saliva was to assist somehow. This is worse than “Slow Moving” sperm O.J. Simpson. Where’s Monte Hall? “Come on down!”

Of course, Mark’s paternity touts are not new and are hardly newsworthy given more established claims by the other players on our “lacrosse team” here, but his tact certainly is worth mention. My third question for Mark is;“What have you been doing for the last seven years?” To me, the “story” just adds to sum zero. All at once, commencing this past February 17, Mark registers his web site with Internic, for purposes of presenting the living hell he was subjected to, while hawking his to be written tome replete with complimenting wares; “Hollywood Bad Boy: Sex, Drugs, and Anna Nicole.” Some title. Any filler left once you discard the dust jacket? You going to show those pictures of you and Anna in bed and discuss your private sex video like on your web site? Been there, seen it dood. Mark’s pre-review is OK with me. If published, I’ll never read the book anyway. It goes; “My story has been featured on People Magazine, TMZ, Larry King Live, Fox News – On The Record, Court TV, Hannity and Colmes, The E! Channel, (What, was Gunsmoke unavailable?) and (sic) I’m currently talking with attorneys, journalists, TV Producers, and book publishers, stay tuned for more exciting developments! Coming soon, my tell-all book! The unbelievable absolutely true story of my crazy life, Mark ‘Hollywood’ Hatten! Before there were reality shows, there was my world! My stories are not for the faint of heart, mind, or soul. My ‘wild-child’ youth growing up in the Hollywood Hills! Mark Hatten’s court room drama, railroaded and exonerated! (you are doing time, right?) Saved from the clutches of death and sin (in no particular order) by our Lord Jesus Christ! This story is straight out of the world of Hunter S. Thompson except this is the real deal! ‘Soul restoration is my full time occupation in life.'” I’m riveted.

That pretty much does it for me, but not quite, Mark. It’s the cigars I need to know about. I know you get TV and periodicals in jail. Seen them? Your “story” is the same as everybody’s playing this game. “What have you been doing for the past seven years?” What really does do it for me, is the book’s dedication; “In loving memory of Anna Nicole Smith 1967-2007, may she rest in peace. Anna Nicole Smith is the sweetest woman I have ever known…she is my soul mate, and the heart of my dreams.” I said I was probably missing something, and while there is nothing wrong in expressing a little self-promotion, if you want to push that notion, but Mark, the story is Anna Nicole. She was the lady that died. “May she rest in peace?” May you never be my “soul mate.”

This can’t have anything to do with the timing of Mark’s release in a month or two, or want for money. Apparently, Mark’s got plenty as he states his annual income to exceed $250,000.00 on MySpace. And, he has gone on record with willingness to renounce Dannielynn’s inheritance, should she be so fortunate. Again, Mark. Dannielynn is the story here. It doesn’t make any difference if you are the father, or joined at the hip for that matter. You are not a party to that issue, regardless of paternity, but nice thought, anyhow. And what’s with all the letters to your cell mate, now literary agent/business manager, your words; “Sell this on Ebay.” Listen, you write a book about the cigars, about “Hollywood,” and about what you’ve been doing for the past seven years, throw in some stuff about coming around after being killed and left in a bath tub and how the soul restoration gig is going, and I’ll buy that, and the cigars. I know it won’t be a love story, but you weren’t going there anyhow. Best luck when you get out. Help us.

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING.” sm

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THE FOLLOWING WAS BORROWED FROM MARK HATTEN’S WEB SITE, AND IS BELIEVED INTENDED TO CONVEY SOMETHING TO HOWARD K. STERN:

(Click To Enlarge)

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A Mark’s Video/Call From Prison

 

 

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Happy Birthday Viagra! On 27 March, 1998 the US Federal Drug Administration (FDA) approved use of the “wee blue friend” now taken by an estimated, largely satisfied, 30 million users. Viva Viagra, let’s party doods! Dubbed “Poke” by edgy circuit-boys, you should celebrate an unprecedented nine years of longevity by choosing a safe musical session. My genre fave is Disco. From the annals, though ripe in age, I highly commend the 2002 maxi-CD “Viva Viagra, Viva Amor” by the multi-faceted German legacy; Sänger Frederic von Anhalt. Released in April, 2002 under the Soundpoint label, this crowning jewel is pleasure packed with the tune descriptives; “Radio” mix, “Disco-Party Power” thumper, “Karaoke” spectacle, and “Megaphone” version, all providing varietal rhapsody bundled under the festive title of the work. Coming up for air in 14:54 total minutes of rhythm, it’s an impressive roll for anybody you fete.

Those of you Stateside likely will have inability finding this masterpiece outside of Fire Island, however, given worldly attention, I have located a load portal at AOL Musik DE should you want a quickie, and individual tricks can be claimed for just under one Euro, a steal from Deutschland. Pros and cons? No standing while getting it, but colorful wrapped protection is not afforded. For this, older, but spared copies of the bargained title can be found at Amazon.de. Whilst additional frauds are everywhere these days, to be safe, use discretion in your affairs, and always go with the reputable names.

You were expecting Bob Dole? Happy Birthday, indeed.

(Click Zsa Zsa for Page Two)

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clique moi dahling

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FOLLOW US WITH THE TRUE STORY OF PINUP MODELS, A POP “PRINCE,” BRAWLS, BARRISTERS & MORE!

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Prince Frederic von Anhalt & Kader Loth, stars of “The Castle”

This is not a complete episode, but it’s enough. Many thanks to our Best in Deutchland for this. About half way through, you’ll see the Prince break into a tirade, forcibly clear the dining table, strike other actors and storm from the scene. While this is not exactly jaw dropping stuff, it is amusing behavior for a “royal.” Still photos from the show and a complete description follow on the next page. Enjoy!

THIS IS WHAT THEY:

“I do not belong to humans who must wait to be discovered.” ~Kader Loth, part of her motto.

“I don’t meet people like that, I don’t need to meet people like that.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt, on Howard K. Stern.

“Luxury stands for me properly.” ~ Kader Loth.

“I knew Rubirosa, and you sir, are not Rubirosa!” ~ Me. A sticky to remind me to finish the Gigolo piece.

“He is a cheap gigolo and a good butler.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on Larry Birkhead.

“She forgives me. She has had her shame of scandals.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on his “affair” with Anna Nicole, speaking for Zsa Zsa.

“He is not good in bed” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on Howard K. Stern, speaking for Anna Nicole.

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15 March, 2007

BY HAND

My Dear Bobby,

My bad to have missed you at the DST brunch, same old me; Mr. Un-Schway! So much for O.J., huh? Anyhow, heard you were uber-fab as usual, wearing that Onch, ouch! BTW, the clean-up boys at the Del found this business license on the floor. Slipped out of your purse? Might want to get your peeps to have a look. This needs renewal or is SUSPENDED or something. Probably fell through the crack, I guess, and careful honey, jail is not your color! For always,

Ciao Bella,

XOXO

Outeasy

http://www.outeasy.com ~ outeasy@gmail.com

PS: When the dolls come, bag one for me!

“Everybody Is Up To Something” sm

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