Howard K. Stern


Rise in DUI Incidents a Mystery to Police

After a decline of alcohol-impaired driving throughout the first day or so in May, a new study shows that driving while intoxicated has increased significantly and traffic police are baffled. Drunk driving has always been a problem, but according to most Hollywood bartenders surveyed, “it almost appears men are asking for trouble.” For now, the incidences seem confined to Los Angeles County, CA. “It’s unreal, man. Doods are getting whacked even before happy hour, and can’t wait to get their rides,” according to a valet parking attendant at the House of Blues. “We can’t slide their cars out of the garage fast enough,” he added. Police speculate boredom, lowered self-esteem, sexual and financial or other legal problems may be contributing factors. “Ever since this Paris Hilton thing, male drivers act like they want to go to jail. But, we’re out there, and we will haul them off, whatever their deal is,” said an officer with the California Highway Patrol.

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Field insanity tests are mandatory in California.

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Police are trained to never argue with idiots, fearing shame by association.

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“Playing Games” with the law is often rewarded with a jail scene.

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LEGAL HELP IS AVAILABLE. FAQ WITH AN ATTORNEY, Esq, Llc, PA, PC, DDS:

I finally got arrested for a DUI in LA County, now what?

Once a person has been arrested for a DUI, the clock was still ticking. Without exception, we know the time of day.

I do not have a California License, should I care about the DMV
Notice of Suspension?

No, not as long as you have a Bahamian driver or have not been seen for the past, say, four years. You are free to mark the notice, “Return To Sender,” and call the DMV for a courier to collect. If you need assistance with the phone, you most likely do.

The officer did not read me my rights can you get the charges
to stick?

A person does have a fifth amendment right against self-incrimination, so make room in your glove box for our complimentary nail file or cigarette lighter with the “Miranda Rights” printed next to our golf pro’s number. Assuming you have not renewed your license and are driving uninsured, give the officer his choice of either as soon as you catch a glow of the problem.

I decided not to drink and then drove, doesn’t this mean I am
innocent of DUI?

Not always. The law states that the person must have been impaired by alcohol at or above the legal limit. State Statutes are silent as to indecision. We can present time-zone conversions to the Court.

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“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

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12 April, 2007 ~ If Col. Lindberg’s baby were with us today, he would be 75, a good age. Anyhow, I have never been quite satisfied with the outcome of the trial. The following sighting is an update to the outcome of this post:

“We never intended to take Dannielynn from anyone, we were just here in case Prince Von Anhalt was the father. We wish Larry luck in raising Dannielynn and we wish him the best.” ~ Spokesforce on hand in the Bahamas. More follows,

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Prince von Anhalt on Dannielynn

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

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This is a partial transcript from “On the Record,” April 10, 2007, that has been edited for clarity.GRETA VAN SUSTEREN, HOST: Howard K. Stern is not the only one disappointed with today’s paternity announcement. There is also Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Fredric von Anhalt. He joins us on the phone from his Bel Air home. His lawyer Chris Fields is in L.A.

Prince Fredric, is disappointment the word to describe how you feel tonight, the proof being that it’s Larry Birkhead who is the father and not you?

FREDRIC VON ANHALT, ZSA ZSA GABOR’S HUSBAND: No. I’m not very disappointed. I’m not disappointed at all, you know, it’s just that I was a tiny bit upset, you know, because I would like to have the child. I would love to have a baby in the house, you know, but on the other side, I was very happy that Larry Birkhead is the father now and not Howard Stern.

Happy also that my wife is not so much upset because bringing a child home, you know, being married to Zsa Zsa Gabor for 20 years, bringing home a child would be terrible for her and would have upset her very much and she was very happy when she had the news today.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, well, that’s — and Larry likewise is happy. You know, now that Larry Birkhead is the father, I know that you got into a bit of a spat with Bill O’Reilly, he called you a fraud over this whole fatherhood thing and that you filed a lawsuit against Bill O’Reilly and FOX News. Are you still going to go forward with it now that Larry is the father?

ANHALT: Well, you see, if I — I don’t know if I could.

CHRIS FIELDS, PRINCE ANHALT’S ATTY: Let me interrupt, Greta.

ANHALT: No, no, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute; he calls me a fraud because I told him I had an affair with Nicole? It doesn’t matter if Larry Birkhead is the father or not, I could have been the father, I never said I am the father. I said I could be father. But he said because I said I had an affair with Nicole that’s not true and he calls me a fraud. That’s how what he did. You know, and that is all.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, Chris, you want to get in on this. Chris, who is your lawyer. Chris, you want to get in on this.

FIELDS: Well, I just wanted to caution Frederic on saying too much out of the league sphere. We’re proceeding with the process. It remains to be seen how far we’ll take it, but we are very serious about the suit.

VAN SUSTEREN: You know, Chris, it’s very interesting because as I understand the lawsuit, the prince said that they didn’t like he didn’t like being called a fraud that that reflected on his credibility. And what I’m sort of — I’m a little fixated on the whole fact that, you know, that he’s worried that his word isn’t any good anymore, yet he publicly comes out and says that when he said “I do” to Zsa Zsa Gabor 20 years ago that apparently his word wasn’t good there either because he had an affair.

ANHALT: I tell you. I want to tell you something.

VAN SUSTEREN: Go ahead, Prince.

ANHALT: I want to tell you something, if I get — when we go to court, if I see Bill O’Reilly in court and I will prove, then I will come with witnesses and also places where I was with Anna Nicole. Right now there is not a fight. If I get into a fight I bring you the proof and the Bill O’Reilly will look stupid, there. I’m telling you that right now. But, on the other side, Bill O’Reilly has one choice, you know, either I see him in court or at least he apologizes.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, being a — Prince, if you wanted to bring the proof to me, I’ll be happy to put it on the air.

ANHALT: No, I’m going to bring it to court.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, well OK, bring it to court, then. Whatever. It certainly is an interesting lawsuit to put it lightly and gently. And we’ll follow this one.

FIELDS: And Greta.

VAN SUSTEREN: Yes, Chris.

FIELDS: If I can interrupt. Being called a fraud has a definite, very bad criminal and civil connotation. Being called a philanderer…

VAN SUSTEREN: I agree. You know what, Chris? I think being called a philanderer, I think that’s lame. You know, it says that when you say “I do” that your word is no good. I mean, I don’t know. Maybe call me old fashion.

FIELDS: Well, we have a lot of public and media figures who, unfortunately, they cheat on their spouses. And it’s just — it’s an unfortunate fact of our pop culture, if you will.

VAN SUSTEREN: And that is good for another whole show you and the prince now have to do another whole show on that one. Anyway.

FIELDS: Yeah.

VAN SUSTEREN: Prince, thank you for joining us again. Chris, thank you as well.

ANHALT: OK.

FIELDS: Thank you.

AFTERNOON UPDATE 1:30 PM PST/NO DECISIONS TODAY. COURT NEXT IN SESSION TUES. 4/10 2:30PM AST

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Today could be the day of reckoning for Prinz Frederic von Anhalt, 65, spouse to legend Zsa Zsa Gabor, 90, both current residents of Bel Air, CA. Frederic, together with a cast of plenty are claiming paternity to Dannielynn, the near seven month old baby daughter of recently deceased actress Anna Nicole Smith. von Anahlt surprised most admitting to a past extra-marital affair with Ms. Smith, and subsequently insisted upon contributing a sample some ten days ago, believed buccal, to prove his assertion to be child’s natural father. Sources in the Bahamas say labratory results are now available, however, it remains uncertain whether the judge will allow same into testimony in today’s Supreme Court proceedings, now in active session. On reporting for the DNA test, von Anhalt offered, “I felt like it.” Attorney Fields representing Frederic summed the action, “we are playing catch-up.”

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NACHMITTAG UPDATE-1:30 P.M. PST/NO ENTSCHEIDUNGEN HEUTE. GERICHT ZUNÄCHST IM LERNABSCHNITT TUES. 4/10 AST

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Heutiger Tag konnte der Tag der Abrechnung für Prinz Frederic von Anhalt, 65, Gatte zur Legende Zsa Zsa Gabor, 90, beide gegenwärtigen Bewohner der Bel-Luft, CA Frederic, zusammen mit einer Form von viel sein behaupten Vaterschaft zu Dannielynn, die nahe siebenmonatliche alte Babytochter des vor kurzem gestorbenen Schauspielerin Anna Nicole Smith. von Anahlt überraschtes Zulassen zu a hinter Extra-ehelicher Angelegenheit mit Ms Smith und nachher beharrt nach dem Beitragen einer Probe einigen 10 Tagen, geglaubtes bukkales, um seine Behauptung zu beweisen, um natürlicher Vater vor des Kindes zu sein. Quellen in den labratory Resultaten des Bahamas Sagens sind jetzt vorhanden, jedoch bleibt sie, ob der Richter selben in Zeugnis in den heutigen Gerichtverfahren erlaubt, jetzt im aktiven Lernabschnitt unsicher. Auf Bericht für den DNA Test, bot von Anhalt an, „ich fühlte wie es.“ Rechtsanwalt fängt das Darstellen von Frederic summierte die Tätigkeit, „wir spielen sich verfangen-oben.“
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Frederic tests lies, onlookers, LA attorneys Lee & Fields hold case

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

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IMUS DUMPED FOR BAD MANNERS – KEEP YOUR NAPPY IN YOUR LAP!

Q: What do I do with my napkin?
A: As soon as everyone is seated, unfold your napkin and place it across your lap, folded, with the fold toward you. Do this discreetly without flourish. If you need to leave the table, place your napkin on your chair, folded loosely (NEVER wadded). Only after the meal is over should you place your napkin on the table to the left side of your plate (NEVER on your plate!).
   
A: It is considered poor etiquette NOT to use your napkin. The purpose of the napkins is to keep food off your face. Use it frequently to discreetly dap or wipe (no ear to ear swiping, please) your mouth. Replace the napkin on your lap loosely folded, not wadded and not stuffed between your legs.
   
A: If your napkin falls on the floor and it is within easy reach, retrieve it. If you are unable to retrieve the napkin without drawing attention to yourself, ask the server for another one.

Imus

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Apologizes For ‘Nappy ‘Hos’ Comment

imus_rutgers_update.jpgThis morning, Don Imus apologized for calling the Rutgers’ basketball team “nappy ‘hos”.

“I Want to take a moment to apologize for an insensitive and ill-conceived remark we made the other morning regarding the Rutgers women’s basketball team. It was completely inappropriate, and we can understand why people were offended. Our characterization was thoughtless and stupid, and we are sorry.”

The apology came after the National Association of Black Journalists president Bryan Monroe, vice president and editorial director for Ebony and Jet, had called for his head:

“Has he lost his mind? Those comments were beyond offensive. Imus needs to be fired. Today.”

The “Nappy ‘Hos’ Mr. Imus was referring to were later identified in Samples’ Lounge in Nassau, the Bahamas wasting time.

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DON IMUS – “NAPPY HEADED ‘HOS”

4/10 ~ AN EDITOR’S NOTE – “I believe those upset should just chill a bit. Don Imus made a statement in the flash of a New York minute. Oops! Did I just say that? Please, if you live in New York, I am not suggesting you are too fast. Conversely, if you live outside of New York, there is certainly no implication that you are too slow. If you reside off the planet, how’s the weather?” 😉 Dick Morris touts his anemic “pay-per-click” web site and Bo Dietl debate:
“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

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Mark “Hollywood” Hatten

“Are you allowed to have cigars in prison?” There are three questions I want answered by Mark “Hollywood” Hatten, and that was the first. Remember “Hollywood?” I didn’t until last night when I was searching a tech site for an updated display driver, and there he was, or his “exclusive” story anyway, permalinked to the ATI specs review I needed. (Sorry, I didn’t read your article about Mark, gentle writer, but I will if I can find my way back). Since you don’t remember “Hollywood,” and to your benefit, some of it is coming back to me, Mark is the brother of Jackie Hatten who is famous for some beach sport, volleyball I think, who was befriended by Anna Nicole Smith during a visit to the beauty parlor. Jackie turned out to be none so kind in her ruminations on network TV following Anna’s death. This I do remember because when she spoke I was thinking, “gee, some friend.” Anyhow, Jackie set up Anna with Mark, and the rest is his history. When you are in between searches for software drivers, hop over to Mark’s site: www.markhollywoodhatten.com. (Do not be surprised if this site is gone. Since I wrote this article, Our buds at “ISHOWARDKSTERNAMURDERER.COM” have disappeared, along with others, now that Howard Stern seems to be getting serious.)

After spending some time there, my second question for Mark is; “How did you come to pick up the name ‘Hollywood’.” I’m sorry Mark, but your writing left me a little sad, actually. Surely I missed something, but as I read, Mark dated Anna for some two years, gave a sperm and saliva? sample to Anna’s “private” doctor, Anna broke up with Mark, Howard K. Stern at 5’8″ killed Mark, 6’5,” who woke up from the dead in a bathtub four days later, Howard ran Mark off, Mark stalked Anna, held a knife to her throat and threatened Howard with bodily harm, and Mark is winding up his subsequent guilty conviction with a seven year full stretch in the stir for the grief dished him – and it’s all, “documented.” Put the kids away, as with any Anna Nicole story, here’s where it gets graphic. Mark’s sperm sample was to be cryonically preserved, just like J. Howard’s, for Anna’s exclusive future use, and I guess the saliva was to assist somehow. This is worse than “Slow Moving” sperm O.J. Simpson. Where’s Monte Hall? “Come on down!”

Of course, Mark’s paternity touts are not new and are hardly newsworthy given more established claims by the other players on our “lacrosse team” here, but his tact certainly is worth mention. My third question for Mark is;“What have you been doing for the last seven years?” To me, the “story” just adds to sum zero. All at once, commencing this past February 17, Mark registers his web site with Internic, for purposes of presenting the living hell he was subjected to, while hawking his to be written tome replete with complimenting wares; “Hollywood Bad Boy: Sex, Drugs, and Anna Nicole.” Some title. Any filler left once you discard the dust jacket? You going to show those pictures of you and Anna in bed and discuss your private sex video like on your web site? Been there, seen it dood. Mark’s pre-review is OK with me. If published, I’ll never read the book anyway. It goes; “My story has been featured on People Magazine, TMZ, Larry King Live, Fox News – On The Record, Court TV, Hannity and Colmes, The E! Channel, (What, was Gunsmoke unavailable?) and (sic) I’m currently talking with attorneys, journalists, TV Producers, and book publishers, stay tuned for more exciting developments! Coming soon, my tell-all book! The unbelievable absolutely true story of my crazy life, Mark ‘Hollywood’ Hatten! Before there were reality shows, there was my world! My stories are not for the faint of heart, mind, or soul. My ‘wild-child’ youth growing up in the Hollywood Hills! Mark Hatten’s court room drama, railroaded and exonerated! (you are doing time, right?) Saved from the clutches of death and sin (in no particular order) by our Lord Jesus Christ! This story is straight out of the world of Hunter S. Thompson except this is the real deal! ‘Soul restoration is my full time occupation in life.'” I’m riveted.

That pretty much does it for me, but not quite, Mark. It’s the cigars I need to know about. I know you get TV and periodicals in jail. Seen them? Your “story” is the same as everybody’s playing this game. “What have you been doing for the past seven years?” What really does do it for me, is the book’s dedication; “In loving memory of Anna Nicole Smith 1967-2007, may she rest in peace. Anna Nicole Smith is the sweetest woman I have ever known…she is my soul mate, and the heart of my dreams.” I said I was probably missing something, and while there is nothing wrong in expressing a little self-promotion, if you want to push that notion, but Mark, the story is Anna Nicole. She was the lady that died. “May she rest in peace?” May you never be my “soul mate.”

This can’t have anything to do with the timing of Mark’s release in a month or two, or want for money. Apparently, Mark’s got plenty as he states his annual income to exceed $250,000.00 on MySpace. And, he has gone on record with willingness to renounce Dannielynn’s inheritance, should she be so fortunate. Again, Mark. Dannielynn is the story here. It doesn’t make any difference if you are the father, or joined at the hip for that matter. You are not a party to that issue, regardless of paternity, but nice thought, anyhow. And what’s with all the letters to your cell mate, now literary agent/business manager, your words; “Sell this on Ebay.” Listen, you write a book about the cigars, about “Hollywood,” and about what you’ve been doing for the past seven years, throw in some stuff about coming around after being killed and left in a bath tub and how the soul restoration gig is going, and I’ll buy that, and the cigars. I know it won’t be a love story, but you weren’t going there anyhow. Best luck when you get out. Help us.

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING.” sm

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THE FOLLOWING WAS BORROWED FROM MARK HATTEN’S WEB SITE, AND IS BELIEVED INTENDED TO CONVEY SOMETHING TO HOWARD K. STERN:

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A Mark’s Video/Call From Prison

 

 

Very funny stuff going on there. Clic pic to check it out. 🙂

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“Everybody Is Up To Somethng. sm

 

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FOLLOW US WITH THE TRUE STORY OF PINUP MODELS, A POP “PRINCE,” BRAWLS, BARRISTERS & MORE!

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Prince Frederic von Anhalt & Kader Loth, stars of “The Castle”

This is not a complete episode, but it’s enough. Many thanks to our Best in Deutchland for this. About half way through, you’ll see the Prince break into a tirade, forcibly clear the dining table, strike other actors and storm from the scene. While this is not exactly jaw dropping stuff, it is amusing behavior for a “royal.” Still photos from the show and a complete description follow on the next page. Enjoy!

THIS IS WHAT THEY:

“I do not belong to humans who must wait to be discovered.” ~Kader Loth, part of her motto.

“I don’t meet people like that, I don’t need to meet people like that.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt, on Howard K. Stern.

“Luxury stands for me properly.” ~ Kader Loth.

“I knew Rubirosa, and you sir, are not Rubirosa!” ~ Me. A sticky to remind me to finish the Gigolo piece.

“He is a cheap gigolo and a good butler.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on Larry Birkhead.

“She forgives me. She has had her shame of scandals.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on his “affair” with Anna Nicole, speaking for Zsa Zsa.

“He is not good in bed” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on Howard K. Stern, speaking for Anna Nicole.

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“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

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PLUTO EVICTED: No Longer

A Planet

By: Robert Roy Britt
Senior Science Writer
Space.com

Posted: 24 August, 2006
09:35 am ET

UPDATED 11:17 a.m. ET

Capping years of intense debate, astronomers resolved today to demote Pluto in a wholesale redefinition of planethood that is being billed as a victory of scientific reasoning over historic and cultural influences. But already the decision is being hotly debated.

Officially, Pluto is no longer a planet.

“Pluto is dead,” said Caltech researcher Mike Brown, who spoke with reporters via a teleconference while monitoring the vote. The decision also means a Pluto-sized object that Brown discovered will not be called a planet.

“Pluto is not a planet,” Brown said. “There are finally, officially, eight planets in the solar system.”

The vote involved just 424 astronomers who remained for the last day of a meeting of the International Astronomical Union (IAU) in Prague.

“I’m embarassed for astornomy,” said Alan Stern, leader of NASA’s New Horizon’s mission to Pluto and a scientist at the Southwest Research Institute. “Less than 5 percent of the world’s astronomers voted.”

“This definition stinks, for technical reasons,” Stern told SPACE.com. He expects the astronomy community to overturn the decision. Other astronomers criticized the definition as ambiguous.

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Am I the only EARTH BEING feeling GAMMA-ED here? I mean, what gives? It seems to me if we can get rid of a planet, we can get rid of a Stern (which in German means “star”) Stars are more “out of it” than planets, right? And yes, there is a Dr. Alan Stern who actually is in charge of NASA’s “New Horizons Mission” to Pluto. (Click the link in the date at the top of the Space.Com news release). Talk about “in the stars,” WoW. Read on with my letter to my new bud…

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23 March, 2007

Mr. Robert Roy Britt
Senior Science Writer
Space.Com

DELIVERED VIA TELEPORTATION

Re: Eviction of Pluto

My Dear Rob Roy:

Jeepers, has it really been since August of last year? My bad for not taking pen to hand sooner, but I have been consumed in a black hole of projects to astronomical proportions as well. Anyhow, I cannot tell you how distraught I’ve been ever since your press release regarding the above collided with my in-box.

I am postulating that in as you are nearer this plane than I, any assistance you can render Dr. Stern; NASA’s Director of The New Horizons Mission in returning our Pluto to orbit would be greatly appreciated. I mean, after all, Pluto has been in heaven since zip-did-dee-doo-dah, and I needn’t remind you; “It’s Better in the Blogosphere.” Also, please note I maintain considerable schway with our colleagues in the Bahamas, and if necessary, believe we can effect a more than equitable trade, as we are quite done with our Old Horizons Mission. Just a thought.

Thanking you for your indulgence, and with apologies for the presumption, I trust you will, make it so. As may always,

 

 

The Force be with you,

Out Easy

“Everybody Is Up To Something” sm

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