EBay


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Mark “Hollywood” Hatten

“Are you allowed to have cigars in prison?” There are three questions I want answered by Mark “Hollywood” Hatten, and that was the first. Remember “Hollywood?” I didn’t until last night when I was searching a tech site for an updated display driver, and there he was, or his “exclusive” story anyway, permalinked to the ATI specs review I needed. (Sorry, I didn’t read your article about Mark, gentle writer, but I will if I can find my way back). Since you don’t remember “Hollywood,” and to your benefit, some of it is coming back to me, Mark is the brother of Jackie Hatten who is famous for some beach sport, volleyball I think, who was befriended by Anna Nicole Smith during a visit to the beauty parlor. Jackie turned out to be none so kind in her ruminations on network TV following Anna’s death. This I do remember because when she spoke I was thinking, “gee, some friend.” Anyhow, Jackie set up Anna with Mark, and the rest is his history. When you are in between searches for software drivers, hop over to Mark’s site: www.markhollywoodhatten.com. (Do not be surprised if this site is gone. Since I wrote this article, Our buds at “ISHOWARDKSTERNAMURDERER.COM” have disappeared, along with others, now that Howard Stern seems to be getting serious.)

After spending some time there, my second question for Mark is; “How did you come to pick up the name ‘Hollywood’.” I’m sorry Mark, but your writing left me a little sad, actually. Surely I missed something, but as I read, Mark dated Anna for some two years, gave a sperm and saliva? sample to Anna’s “private” doctor, Anna broke up with Mark, Howard K. Stern at 5’8″ killed Mark, 6’5,” who woke up from the dead in a bathtub four days later, Howard ran Mark off, Mark stalked Anna, held a knife to her throat and threatened Howard with bodily harm, and Mark is winding up his subsequent guilty conviction with a seven year full stretch in the stir for the grief dished him – and it’s all, “documented.” Put the kids away, as with any Anna Nicole story, here’s where it gets graphic. Mark’s sperm sample was to be cryonically preserved, just like J. Howard’s, for Anna’s exclusive future use, and I guess the saliva was to assist somehow. This is worse than “Slow Moving” sperm O.J. Simpson. Where’s Monte Hall? “Come on down!”

Of course, Mark’s paternity touts are not new and are hardly newsworthy given more established claims by the other players on our “lacrosse team” here, but his tact certainly is worth mention. My third question for Mark is;“What have you been doing for the last seven years?” To me, the “story” just adds to sum zero. All at once, commencing this past February 17, Mark registers his web site with Internic, for purposes of presenting the living hell he was subjected to, while hawking his to be written tome replete with complimenting wares; “Hollywood Bad Boy: Sex, Drugs, and Anna Nicole.” Some title. Any filler left once you discard the dust jacket? You going to show those pictures of you and Anna in bed and discuss your private sex video like on your web site? Been there, seen it dood. Mark’s pre-review is OK with me. If published, I’ll never read the book anyway. It goes; “My story has been featured on People Magazine, TMZ, Larry King Live, Fox News – On The Record, Court TV, Hannity and Colmes, The E! Channel, (What, was Gunsmoke unavailable?) and (sic) I’m currently talking with attorneys, journalists, TV Producers, and book publishers, stay tuned for more exciting developments! Coming soon, my tell-all book! The unbelievable absolutely true story of my crazy life, Mark ‘Hollywood’ Hatten! Before there were reality shows, there was my world! My stories are not for the faint of heart, mind, or soul. My ‘wild-child’ youth growing up in the Hollywood Hills! Mark Hatten’s court room drama, railroaded and exonerated! (you are doing time, right?) Saved from the clutches of death and sin (in no particular order) by our Lord Jesus Christ! This story is straight out of the world of Hunter S. Thompson except this is the real deal! ‘Soul restoration is my full time occupation in life.'” I’m riveted.

That pretty much does it for me, but not quite, Mark. It’s the cigars I need to know about. I know you get TV and periodicals in jail. Seen them? Your “story” is the same as everybody’s playing this game. “What have you been doing for the past seven years?” What really does do it for me, is the book’s dedication; “In loving memory of Anna Nicole Smith 1967-2007, may she rest in peace. Anna Nicole Smith is the sweetest woman I have ever known…she is my soul mate, and the heart of my dreams.” I said I was probably missing something, and while there is nothing wrong in expressing a little self-promotion, if you want to push that notion, but Mark, the story is Anna Nicole. She was the lady that died. “May she rest in peace?” May you never be my “soul mate.”

This can’t have anything to do with the timing of Mark’s release in a month or two, or want for money. Apparently, Mark’s got plenty as he states his annual income to exceed $250,000.00 on MySpace. And, he has gone on record with willingness to renounce Dannielynn’s inheritance, should she be so fortunate. Again, Mark. Dannielynn is the story here. It doesn’t make any difference if you are the father, or joined at the hip for that matter. You are not a party to that issue, regardless of paternity, but nice thought, anyhow. And what’s with all the letters to your cell mate, now literary agent/business manager, your words; “Sell this on Ebay.” Listen, you write a book about the cigars, about “Hollywood,” and about what you’ve been doing for the past seven years, throw in some stuff about coming around after being killed and left in a bath tub and how the soul restoration gig is going, and I’ll buy that, and the cigars. I know it won’t be a love story, but you weren’t going there anyhow. Best luck when you get out. Help us.

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING.” sm

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THE FOLLOWING WAS BORROWED FROM MARK HATTEN’S WEB SITE, AND IS BELIEVED INTENDED TO CONVEY SOMETHING TO HOWARD K. STERN:

(Click To Enlarge)

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A Mark’s Video/Call From Prison

 

 

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Very funny stuff going on there. Clic pic to check it out. 🙂

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“Everybody Is Up To Somethng. sm

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“You were hungry!” “Well, how would you like to have someone come along and pick something off of you?” I love the Wizard of Oz.

I think it was John Lennon who said something like, “The problem is possession is not nine-tenths of the law, it’s nine-tenths of the problem.”

Well, that pretty much sums up the whole cesspool of swimmers in this Anna Nicole leech-fest. Making a buck is OK, that’s work. Making a buck at somebody’s expense, dead or alive, that’s not OK, that’s wrong.

I’ve lived in the sticks, and I know a little about cesspools. They are supposed to be a temporary repository for the undesired, which means their biggest problem is you have to clean them out frequently. But this one, there’s no drain…where is it all coming from?

If you visit this site often you know it’s really about people who are looking for The Easy Way Out. For the most, people who are trying to make a buck the wrong way. If you follow the Anna Nicole Dress Conspiracy thing here, you’ll get the idea, I hope. Take the grave robber who came along and “picked” a funeral rose for re-sale on Ebay. He was “hungry,” I guess.

I’m not a big fan of John Lennon, but he got it right. It is true, what you want to possess can kill you. Somebody asked me, “Why are you so cynical, do you really believe everybody is up to something?” “Nope,” I said. “But, I do believe in spooks.” I love the Wizard of Oz.

“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm

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“DAYLIGHT COME AND HE WAN’ GO HOME”

Little weary from straw “marketeering” with my new found bro (yeah, we’re in touch) the EBay Petal Pusher; Prop Hall of “Shame” from the Anna Nicole Dress Conspiracy II, so, I’m back on board the Festival, now weighed in Freeport, taking in the Lounge Lizzards and sippin’ Bahama Mamas’ at the Lodi Poop Deck. “Howard, is that you?” “Dang, you got game, dood, crazy, wacky, funky, jumpin’ – do the hump!” “Love it!” “Is that Larry on that keyboard thing?” “I want some of what y’all got!” “Can anybody play this game?”

“WORK ALL NIGHT ON A DRINK OF RUM”

OK, I’m not in Nassau, but hey, you can Fake Your Way To The Top, right Prop?

“COME MR. TALLY MON, TALLY ME BANANA”

(Conch Fry is happening tonite at Horizons – Over the Hill, Bring Some Bump!)

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“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm

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(UPDATE – MARCH 10, 2007 – PLEASE READ THE COMMENTS SECTION HERE. PRETTY MUCH SEZ IT ALL)

Out Easy is a little late with this, but “The Dress” got away. 😦 A bunch of questions surely will go un-answered, but our Bests tell us the lucky duck got a steal on “The Dress” from our Fave Uber-Fab Singer Sewer Pol’ Atteu. We went for the back door, but entry looks fruitless:

Pol’ Atteu Dress Inbox

 

Hey Jay,

Did “The Dress” sell? If your buyer falls through, let me know. I
would be interested. Thank you,


Out Easy

Dear Ms. Easy,

It was mailed out today. Keep checking our store.

We have things that are much nicer than

the Pol’ Atteu dress.

Thanks,

Jay and Barbara

This is a real barbituate, but I’m still up enuff to shop, and found this on EBay near “The Dress:”

ANNA NICOLE SMITH AUTHENTIC FUNERAL ROSE

  Item number: 260093997760

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ANNA NICOLE SMITH AUTHENTIC FUNERAL PINK ROSE. DIRECT FROM THE BAHAMAS WHERE I AM WRITING THIS ADD FROM. WE ATTENDED ANNA NICOLE’S FUNERAL YESTERDAY AND IT WAS FABULOUS, AND WE WOULD LIKE TO OFFER 6 OF THE BEAUTIFUL PINK ROSES WE RECEIVED FROM THE CEREMONY AS SEEN IN PHOTO. I AM SO SORRY WE CAN NOT DOWNLOAD THE CLOSE UP PHOTOS OF FLOWERS FROM HERE BUT THE OFFER IS FOR ONE PINK ROSE IN A GLASS OR PLASTIC TUBE AND CLOSED LID FOR THAT FRESH PACKAGING. ITEM WILL COME WITH A COA. THIS IS A VERY RARE AND AWESOME ITEM TO HAVE FOR ANY COLLECTION OR JUST TO REMEMBER! PLEASE KEEP YOUR QUESTIONS FOCUSED ON THE ITEM. WE WILL SHIP PRIORITY MAIL FROM THE MAINLAND AS SOON AS WE LAND IN BOX FORM. PLEASE EMAIL ME ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE RE: ADD.

Go figure. My favorite part of this ad is the amphiboly near the end: “…WE WILL SHIP THIS AS SOON AS WE LAND IN BOX…”

Well, “Prop Hall of Fame,” considering you are (a) a bad writer, (b) a pathological liar, and (c) a grave robber, shipping you home air freight in a box sounds about right.

If you really need cash this bad, e-me and I’ll give you Howard K. Stern’s parent’s phone number. For faster service, click below, you’ll feel better about you.

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“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING.” sm