Easy Money


Mark “Hollywood” Hatten

“Are you allowed to have cigars in prison?” There are three questions I want answered by Mark “Hollywood” Hatten, and that was the first. Remember “Hollywood?” I didn’t until last night when I was searching a tech site for an updated display driver, and there he was, or his “exclusive” story anyway, permalinked to the ATI specs review I needed. (Sorry, I didn’t read your article about Mark, gentle writer, but I will if I can find my way back). Since you don’t remember “Hollywood,” and to your benefit, some of it is coming back to me, Mark is the brother of Jackie Hatten who is famous for some beach sport, volleyball I think, who was befriended by Anna Nicole Smith during a visit to the beauty parlor. Jackie turned out to be none so kind in her ruminations on network TV following Anna’s death. This I do remember because when she spoke I was thinking, “gee, some friend.” Anyhow, Jackie set up Anna with Mark, and the rest is his history. When you are in between searches for software drivers, hop over to Mark’s site: www.markhollywoodhatten.com. (Do not be surprised if this site is gone. Since I wrote this article, Our buds at “ISHOWARDKSTERNAMURDERER.COM” have disappeared, along with others, now that Howard Stern seems to be getting serious.)

After spending some time there, my second question for Mark is; “How did you come to pick up the name ‘Hollywood’.” I’m sorry Mark, but your writing left me a little sad, actually. Surely I missed something, but as I read, Mark dated Anna for some two years, gave a sperm and saliva? sample to Anna’s “private” doctor, Anna broke up with Mark, Howard K. Stern at 5’8″ killed Mark, 6’5,” who woke up from the dead in a bathtub four days later, Howard ran Mark off, Mark stalked Anna, held a knife to her throat and threatened Howard with bodily harm, and Mark is winding up his subsequent guilty conviction with a seven year full stretch in the stir for the grief dished him – and it’s all, “documented.” Put the kids away, as with any Anna Nicole story, here’s where it gets graphic. Mark’s sperm sample was to be cryonically preserved, just like J. Howard’s, for Anna’s exclusive future use, and I guess the saliva was to assist somehow. This is worse than “Slow Moving” sperm O.J. Simpson. Where’s Monte Hall? “Come on down!”

Of course, Mark’s paternity touts are not new and are hardly newsworthy given more established claims by the other players on our “lacrosse team” here, but his tact certainly is worth mention. My third question for Mark is;“What have you been doing for the last seven years?” To me, the “story” just adds to sum zero. All at once, commencing this past February 17, Mark registers his web site with Internic, for purposes of presenting the living hell he was subjected to, while hawking his to be written tome replete with complimenting wares; “Hollywood Bad Boy: Sex, Drugs, and Anna Nicole.” Some title. Any filler left once you discard the dust jacket? You going to show those pictures of you and Anna in bed and discuss your private sex video like on your web site? Been there, seen it dood. Mark’s pre-review is OK with me. If published, I’ll never read the book anyway. It goes; “My story has been featured on People Magazine, TMZ, Larry King Live, Fox News – On The Record, Court TV, Hannity and Colmes, The E! Channel, (What, was Gunsmoke unavailable?) and (sic) I’m currently talking with attorneys, journalists, TV Producers, and book publishers, stay tuned for more exciting developments! Coming soon, my tell-all book! The unbelievable absolutely true story of my crazy life, Mark ‘Hollywood’ Hatten! Before there were reality shows, there was my world! My stories are not for the faint of heart, mind, or soul. My ‘wild-child’ youth growing up in the Hollywood Hills! Mark Hatten’s court room drama, railroaded and exonerated! (you are doing time, right?) Saved from the clutches of death and sin (in no particular order) by our Lord Jesus Christ! This story is straight out of the world of Hunter S. Thompson except this is the real deal! ‘Soul restoration is my full time occupation in life.'” I’m riveted.

That pretty much does it for me, but not quite, Mark. It’s the cigars I need to know about. I know you get TV and periodicals in jail. Seen them? Your “story” is the same as everybody’s playing this game. “What have you been doing for the past seven years?” What really does do it for me, is the book’s dedication; “In loving memory of Anna Nicole Smith 1967-2007, may she rest in peace. Anna Nicole Smith is the sweetest woman I have ever known…she is my soul mate, and the heart of my dreams.” I said I was probably missing something, and while there is nothing wrong in expressing a little self-promotion, if you want to push that notion, but Mark, the story is Anna Nicole. She was the lady that died. “May she rest in peace?” May you never be my “soul mate.”

This can’t have anything to do with the timing of Mark’s release in a month or two, or want for money. Apparently, Mark’s got plenty as he states his annual income to exceed $250,000.00 on MySpace. And, he has gone on record with willingness to renounce Dannielynn’s inheritance, should she be so fortunate. Again, Mark. Dannielynn is the story here. It doesn’t make any difference if you are the father, or joined at the hip for that matter. You are not a party to that issue, regardless of paternity, but nice thought, anyhow. And what’s with all the letters to your cell mate, now literary agent/business manager, your words; “Sell this on Ebay.” Listen, you write a book about the cigars, about “Hollywood,” and about what you’ve been doing for the past seven years, throw in some stuff about coming around after being killed and left in a bath tub and how the soul restoration gig is going, and I’ll buy that, and the cigars. I know it won’t be a love story, but you weren’t going there anyhow. Best luck when you get out. Help us.




(Click To Enlarge)



A Mark’s Video/Call From Prison









Prince Frederic von Anhalt & Kader Loth, stars of “The Castle”

This is not a complete episode, but it’s enough. Many thanks to our Best in Deutchland for this. About half way through, you’ll see the Prince break into a tirade, forcibly clear the dining table, strike other actors and storm from the scene. While this is not exactly jaw dropping stuff, it is amusing behavior for a “royal.” Still photos from the show and a complete description follow on the next page. Enjoy!


“I do not belong to humans who must wait to be discovered.” ~Kader Loth, part of her motto.

“I don’t meet people like that, I don’t need to meet people like that.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt, on Howard K. Stern.

“Luxury stands for me properly.” ~ Kader Loth.

“I knew Rubirosa, and you sir, are not Rubirosa!” ~ Me. A sticky to remind me to finish the Gigolo piece.

“He is a cheap gigolo and a good butler.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on Larry Birkhead.

“She forgives me. She has had her shame of scandals.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on his “affair” with Anna Nicole, speaking for Zsa Zsa.

“He is not good in bed” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on Howard K. Stern, speaking for Anna Nicole.







Intimate Showing
There are over 150 runway showings during Paris Fashion Week, a fact that increasingly forces designers to opt for intimate showroom presentations. Pol’ Atteu, Felipe Oliveira Baptista, and Adam Jones — three very strong and experimental presentations — showed under such circumstances last month in Paris at Deuxieme Bureau, the press showroom. Citing fabulous Bahamian trade winds and unprecedented rubber-necking, Pol’ Atteu announced after losing his lease in Nassau
the shop will relocate to an adjacent outdoor kiosk. Uber! 1.jpg

Pol’ Atteu Outlet Mall, Nassau, The Bahamas

“Everybody Is Up To Something” sm




(L>R) Marcus, Dad & Son, Dad & Mom, Family Imperial Crest, Marcus & Frederick, Marcus, Aunt Paris


Names. I really am the worst when it comes to remembering names, reckless at social gatherings. With this fret, on my way out for the evening, I transfixed my thoughts to little Dannylynn, since at her age, I do not believe she can reason for herself, but no worries, neither can many of her elders. Anyhow, suppose Daddy really is Prince Frederick Anhalt, also known in Germany by his adopted name and station; “Frederic Prince von Anhalt Duke to Saxonia and Westphalia and Count von Askanien?” The good news is that I when I’m old enough, I’ll come to understand I’m a Princess, and my “adoptive” mother is, “Her Royal Highness Zsa Zsa von Anhalt (Gabor) Princess and Duchess of The Holy Roman Empire,” which means If Conrad hadn’t checked out of the hotel early, I could fill him in on the latest panty romps of Paris Hilton, my Step Great Aunt. But the better news is, I have another brother.

Yup. Seems that about a year or so ago, “Mummy and Daddy” adopted one Marcus Eberhardt of Munich, Germany, and he is now; “Prince Eberhardt Edward von Anhalt Duke to Saxonia and Westphalia and Count von Askanien.” Frederick, now claiming to be 64, met his future son Marcus, 38, at “Pure Platinum,” a table-dance a go-go club in Frankfurt, Germany seven or eight years ago. (“Mummy” Zsa Zsa, is somewhere in the neighborhood of 90, and I’m not good with math either). Next time you are in Munich, be sure to be taken in at the Villa Fantasia in Riem, the well known brothel then owned by, and the source of gah-zillions of Marcus’s Marks. Missed him? He may be on board his yacht or spring cleaning one of his mansions in either Florida, Dubai, Frankfurt, Munich, or Ibiza. Prior to his adoption, Marcus and Frederick reputedly chummed around in numerous sex clubs throughout Germany. Here’s where you’d think I’d insert; “chip off the old block,” but that story is too good and is reserved for another day. Stay tuned.

Frederick is, of course, too of “adopted” titles, reportedly purchased through our favorite, and likewise adopted “title broker;” Consul Weyer Graf von Yorck. (Read: “Fake Your Way to the Top”) Frederick’s adoption apparently occurred in February, 1980 to the daughter-in-law of Germany’s Emperor Wilhelm II. Then 82, she was; “H. H. Marie Auguste Antoinette Frederike Alexandra Hilda Luise.” Reportedly “Mom” was short of expenses at the time, and Frederick, known then as the “Supporter,” paid her for the title the princely sum of 2000 Marks monthly for the brief time before her death. Our Bests’ tell us irrational exuberance caught up with Marcus and the price of his title was a bit more – in excess of $1 Million.

Anyhow, Dannylynn, somebody, probably actually famous once said, “What’s in a Name?” Don’t ask me who, though. I’m not good with names.


3/22 UPDATE -“I KNOW NOTHING!!!” Things that make you go hmmmm…..


Attention Howard K. Stern: Anna Nicole Smith’s most private possessions are a frickin’ gold mine.

TMZ has learned that in an eBay auction, a businessman from Hamburg, Germany just dropped $512,500 on two handwritten diaries, penned by Anna Nicole between 1992 and 1994.

According to the seller, Thomas Riccio of Universal Rarities, the winner is “a huge fan” of the former Playboy Playmate, but wishes to remain anonymous. The German outbid fans from all over the world, including the United States, England and even the Bahamas.





Click pic to enlarge

…Is nearing completion. This is what they call in the biz, a “teaser.” Actually, this was not a tease at all. Rather, this was part of the Norm Pardo plan. Check back soon for this epilogue?

“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm


First Chat: Howard K. Stern Is Gay? IS NOW CLOSED. IT WAS FUN! WE’LL BE BACK!

“Everybody Is Up To Something” sm


Frederic von Anhalt

Our Bests tell us we’re getting sued for $10,000,000 (is that Deutsche?) along with Bill O’Reilly by His Haughtiness; Zsa Zsa’s “Clown Prince” of Bel Air, but we don’t know anything about it. Go over here for more. Film at Eleven.

“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm

Next Page »