Drugs


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12 April, 2007 ~ If Col. Lindberg’s baby were with us today, he would be 75, a good age. Anyhow, I have never been quite satisfied with the outcome of the trial. The following sighting is an update to the outcome of this post:

“We never intended to take Dannielynn from anyone, we were just here in case Prince Von Anhalt was the father. We wish Larry luck in raising Dannielynn and we wish him the best.” ~ Spokesforce on hand in the Bahamas. More follows,

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Prince von Anhalt on Dannielynn

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

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This is a partial transcript from “On the Record,” April 10, 2007, that has been edited for clarity.GRETA VAN SUSTEREN, HOST: Howard K. Stern is not the only one disappointed with today’s paternity announcement. There is also Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Fredric von Anhalt. He joins us on the phone from his Bel Air home. His lawyer Chris Fields is in L.A.

Prince Fredric, is disappointment the word to describe how you feel tonight, the proof being that it’s Larry Birkhead who is the father and not you?

FREDRIC VON ANHALT, ZSA ZSA GABOR’S HUSBAND: No. I’m not very disappointed. I’m not disappointed at all, you know, it’s just that I was a tiny bit upset, you know, because I would like to have the child. I would love to have a baby in the house, you know, but on the other side, I was very happy that Larry Birkhead is the father now and not Howard Stern.

Happy also that my wife is not so much upset because bringing a child home, you know, being married to Zsa Zsa Gabor for 20 years, bringing home a child would be terrible for her and would have upset her very much and she was very happy when she had the news today.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, well, that’s — and Larry likewise is happy. You know, now that Larry Birkhead is the father, I know that you got into a bit of a spat with Bill O’Reilly, he called you a fraud over this whole fatherhood thing and that you filed a lawsuit against Bill O’Reilly and FOX News. Are you still going to go forward with it now that Larry is the father?

ANHALT: Well, you see, if I — I don’t know if I could.

CHRIS FIELDS, PRINCE ANHALT’S ATTY: Let me interrupt, Greta.

ANHALT: No, no, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute; he calls me a fraud because I told him I had an affair with Nicole? It doesn’t matter if Larry Birkhead is the father or not, I could have been the father, I never said I am the father. I said I could be father. But he said because I said I had an affair with Nicole that’s not true and he calls me a fraud. That’s how what he did. You know, and that is all.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, Chris, you want to get in on this. Chris, who is your lawyer. Chris, you want to get in on this.

FIELDS: Well, I just wanted to caution Frederic on saying too much out of the league sphere. We’re proceeding with the process. It remains to be seen how far we’ll take it, but we are very serious about the suit.

VAN SUSTEREN: You know, Chris, it’s very interesting because as I understand the lawsuit, the prince said that they didn’t like he didn’t like being called a fraud that that reflected on his credibility. And what I’m sort of — I’m a little fixated on the whole fact that, you know, that he’s worried that his word isn’t any good anymore, yet he publicly comes out and says that when he said “I do” to Zsa Zsa Gabor 20 years ago that apparently his word wasn’t good there either because he had an affair.

ANHALT: I tell you. I want to tell you something.

VAN SUSTEREN: Go ahead, Prince.

ANHALT: I want to tell you something, if I get — when we go to court, if I see Bill O’Reilly in court and I will prove, then I will come with witnesses and also places where I was with Anna Nicole. Right now there is not a fight. If I get into a fight I bring you the proof and the Bill O’Reilly will look stupid, there. I’m telling you that right now. But, on the other side, Bill O’Reilly has one choice, you know, either I see him in court or at least he apologizes.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, being a — Prince, if you wanted to bring the proof to me, I’ll be happy to put it on the air.

ANHALT: No, I’m going to bring it to court.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, well OK, bring it to court, then. Whatever. It certainly is an interesting lawsuit to put it lightly and gently. And we’ll follow this one.

FIELDS: And Greta.

VAN SUSTEREN: Yes, Chris.

FIELDS: If I can interrupt. Being called a fraud has a definite, very bad criminal and civil connotation. Being called a philanderer…

VAN SUSTEREN: I agree. You know what, Chris? I think being called a philanderer, I think that’s lame. You know, it says that when you say “I do” that your word is no good. I mean, I don’t know. Maybe call me old fashion.

FIELDS: Well, we have a lot of public and media figures who, unfortunately, they cheat on their spouses. And it’s just — it’s an unfortunate fact of our pop culture, if you will.

VAN SUSTEREN: And that is good for another whole show you and the prince now have to do another whole show on that one. Anyway.

FIELDS: Yeah.

VAN SUSTEREN: Prince, thank you for joining us again. Chris, thank you as well.

ANHALT: OK.

FIELDS: Thank you.

AFTERNOON UPDATE 1:30 PM PST/NO DECISIONS TODAY. COURT NEXT IN SESSION TUES. 4/10 2:30PM AST

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Today could be the day of reckoning for Prinz Frederic von Anhalt, 65, spouse to legend Zsa Zsa Gabor, 90, both current residents of Bel Air, CA. Frederic, together with a cast of plenty are claiming paternity to Dannielynn, the near seven month old baby daughter of recently deceased actress Anna Nicole Smith. von Anahlt surprised most admitting to a past extra-marital affair with Ms. Smith, and subsequently insisted upon contributing a sample some ten days ago, believed buccal, to prove his assertion to be child’s natural father. Sources in the Bahamas say labratory results are now available, however, it remains uncertain whether the judge will allow same into testimony in today’s Supreme Court proceedings, now in active session. On reporting for the DNA test, von Anhalt offered, “I felt like it.” Attorney Fields representing Frederic summed the action, “we are playing catch-up.”

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NACHMITTAG UPDATE-1:30 P.M. PST/NO ENTSCHEIDUNGEN HEUTE. GERICHT ZUNÄCHST IM LERNABSCHNITT TUES. 4/10 AST

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Heutiger Tag konnte der Tag der Abrechnung für Prinz Frederic von Anhalt, 65, Gatte zur Legende Zsa Zsa Gabor, 90, beide gegenwärtigen Bewohner der Bel-Luft, CA Frederic, zusammen mit einer Form von viel sein behaupten Vaterschaft zu Dannielynn, die nahe siebenmonatliche alte Babytochter des vor kurzem gestorbenen Schauspielerin Anna Nicole Smith. von Anahlt überraschtes Zulassen zu a hinter Extra-ehelicher Angelegenheit mit Ms Smith und nachher beharrt nach dem Beitragen einer Probe einigen 10 Tagen, geglaubtes bukkales, um seine Behauptung zu beweisen, um natürlicher Vater vor des Kindes zu sein. Quellen in den labratory Resultaten des Bahamas Sagens sind jetzt vorhanden, jedoch bleibt sie, ob der Richter selben in Zeugnis in den heutigen Gerichtverfahren erlaubt, jetzt im aktiven Lernabschnitt unsicher. Auf Bericht für den DNA Test, bot von Anhalt an, „ich fühlte wie es.“ Rechtsanwalt fängt das Darstellen von Frederic summierte die Tätigkeit, „wir spielen sich verfangen-oben.“
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Frederic tests lies, onlookers, LA attorneys Lee & Fields hold case

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

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Mark “Hollywood” Hatten

“Are you allowed to have cigars in prison?” There are three questions I want answered by Mark “Hollywood” Hatten, and that was the first. Remember “Hollywood?” I didn’t until last night when I was searching a tech site for an updated display driver, and there he was, or his “exclusive” story anyway, permalinked to the ATI specs review I needed. (Sorry, I didn’t read your article about Mark, gentle writer, but I will if I can find my way back). Since you don’t remember “Hollywood,” and to your benefit, some of it is coming back to me, Mark is the brother of Jackie Hatten who is famous for some beach sport, volleyball I think, who was befriended by Anna Nicole Smith during a visit to the beauty parlor. Jackie turned out to be none so kind in her ruminations on network TV following Anna’s death. This I do remember because when she spoke I was thinking, “gee, some friend.” Anyhow, Jackie set up Anna with Mark, and the rest is his history. When you are in between searches for software drivers, hop over to Mark’s site: www.markhollywoodhatten.com. (Do not be surprised if this site is gone. Since I wrote this article, Our buds at “ISHOWARDKSTERNAMURDERER.COM” have disappeared, along with others, now that Howard Stern seems to be getting serious.)

After spending some time there, my second question for Mark is; “How did you come to pick up the name ‘Hollywood’.” I’m sorry Mark, but your writing left me a little sad, actually. Surely I missed something, but as I read, Mark dated Anna for some two years, gave a sperm and saliva? sample to Anna’s “private” doctor, Anna broke up with Mark, Howard K. Stern at 5’8″ killed Mark, 6’5,” who woke up from the dead in a bathtub four days later, Howard ran Mark off, Mark stalked Anna, held a knife to her throat and threatened Howard with bodily harm, and Mark is winding up his subsequent guilty conviction with a seven year full stretch in the stir for the grief dished him – and it’s all, “documented.” Put the kids away, as with any Anna Nicole story, here’s where it gets graphic. Mark’s sperm sample was to be cryonically preserved, just like J. Howard’s, for Anna’s exclusive future use, and I guess the saliva was to assist somehow. This is worse than “Slow Moving” sperm O.J. Simpson. Where’s Monte Hall? “Come on down!”

Of course, Mark’s paternity touts are not new and are hardly newsworthy given more established claims by the other players on our “lacrosse team” here, but his tact certainly is worth mention. My third question for Mark is;“What have you been doing for the last seven years?” To me, the “story” just adds to sum zero. All at once, commencing this past February 17, Mark registers his web site with Internic, for purposes of presenting the living hell he was subjected to, while hawking his to be written tome replete with complimenting wares; “Hollywood Bad Boy: Sex, Drugs, and Anna Nicole.” Some title. Any filler left once you discard the dust jacket? You going to show those pictures of you and Anna in bed and discuss your private sex video like on your web site? Been there, seen it dood. Mark’s pre-review is OK with me. If published, I’ll never read the book anyway. It goes; “My story has been featured on People Magazine, TMZ, Larry King Live, Fox News – On The Record, Court TV, Hannity and Colmes, The E! Channel, (What, was Gunsmoke unavailable?) and (sic) I’m currently talking with attorneys, journalists, TV Producers, and book publishers, stay tuned for more exciting developments! Coming soon, my tell-all book! The unbelievable absolutely true story of my crazy life, Mark ‘Hollywood’ Hatten! Before there were reality shows, there was my world! My stories are not for the faint of heart, mind, or soul. My ‘wild-child’ youth growing up in the Hollywood Hills! Mark Hatten’s court room drama, railroaded and exonerated! (you are doing time, right?) Saved from the clutches of death and sin (in no particular order) by our Lord Jesus Christ! This story is straight out of the world of Hunter S. Thompson except this is the real deal! ‘Soul restoration is my full time occupation in life.'” I’m riveted.

That pretty much does it for me, but not quite, Mark. It’s the cigars I need to know about. I know you get TV and periodicals in jail. Seen them? Your “story” is the same as everybody’s playing this game. “What have you been doing for the past seven years?” What really does do it for me, is the book’s dedication; “In loving memory of Anna Nicole Smith 1967-2007, may she rest in peace. Anna Nicole Smith is the sweetest woman I have ever known…she is my soul mate, and the heart of my dreams.” I said I was probably missing something, and while there is nothing wrong in expressing a little self-promotion, if you want to push that notion, but Mark, the story is Anna Nicole. She was the lady that died. “May she rest in peace?” May you never be my “soul mate.”

This can’t have anything to do with the timing of Mark’s release in a month or two, or want for money. Apparently, Mark’s got plenty as he states his annual income to exceed $250,000.00 on MySpace. And, he has gone on record with willingness to renounce Dannielynn’s inheritance, should she be so fortunate. Again, Mark. Dannielynn is the story here. It doesn’t make any difference if you are the father, or joined at the hip for that matter. You are not a party to that issue, regardless of paternity, but nice thought, anyhow. And what’s with all the letters to your cell mate, now literary agent/business manager, your words; “Sell this on Ebay.” Listen, you write a book about the cigars, about “Hollywood,” and about what you’ve been doing for the past seven years, throw in some stuff about coming around after being killed and left in a bath tub and how the soul restoration gig is going, and I’ll buy that, and the cigars. I know it won’t be a love story, but you weren’t going there anyhow. Best luck when you get out. Help us.

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING.” sm

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THE FOLLOWING WAS BORROWED FROM MARK HATTEN’S WEB SITE, AND IS BELIEVED INTENDED TO CONVEY SOMETHING TO HOWARD K. STERN:

(Click To Enlarge)

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A Mark’s Video/Call From Prison

 

 

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Happy Birthday Viagra! On 27 March, 1998 the US Federal Drug Administration (FDA) approved use of the “wee blue friend” now taken by an estimated, largely satisfied, 30 million users. Viva Viagra, let’s party doods! Dubbed “Poke” by edgy circuit-boys, you should celebrate an unprecedented nine years of longevity by choosing a safe musical session. My genre fave is Disco. From the annals, though ripe in age, I highly commend the 2002 maxi-CD “Viva Viagra, Viva Amor” by the multi-faceted German legacy; Sänger Frederic von Anhalt. Released in April, 2002 under the Soundpoint label, this crowning jewel is pleasure packed with the tune descriptives; “Radio” mix, “Disco-Party Power” thumper, “Karaoke” spectacle, and “Megaphone” version, all providing varietal rhapsody bundled under the festive title of the work. Coming up for air in 14:54 total minutes of rhythm, it’s an impressive roll for anybody you fete.

Those of you Stateside likely will have inability finding this masterpiece outside of Fire Island, however, given worldly attention, I have located a load portal at AOL Musik DE should you want a quickie, and individual tricks can be claimed for just under one Euro, a steal from Deutschland. Pros and cons? No standing while getting it, but colorful wrapped protection is not afforded. For this, older, but spared copies of the bargained title can be found at Amazon.de. Whilst additional frauds are everywhere these days, to be safe, use discretion in your affairs, and always go with the reputable names.

You were expecting Bob Dole? Happy Birthday, indeed.

(Click Zsa Zsa for Page Two)

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

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clique moi dahling

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FOLLOW US WITH THE TRUE STORY OF PINUP MODELS, A POP “PRINCE,” BRAWLS, BARRISTERS & MORE!

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Prince Frederic von Anhalt & Kader Loth, stars of “The Castle”

This is not a complete episode, but it’s enough. Many thanks to our Best in Deutchland for this. About half way through, you’ll see the Prince break into a tirade, forcibly clear the dining table, strike other actors and storm from the scene. While this is not exactly jaw dropping stuff, it is amusing behavior for a “royal.” Still photos from the show and a complete description follow on the next page. Enjoy!

THIS IS WHAT THEY:

“I do not belong to humans who must wait to be discovered.” ~Kader Loth, part of her motto.

“I don’t meet people like that, I don’t need to meet people like that.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt, on Howard K. Stern.

“Luxury stands for me properly.” ~ Kader Loth.

“I knew Rubirosa, and you sir, are not Rubirosa!” ~ Me. A sticky to remind me to finish the Gigolo piece.

“He is a cheap gigolo and a good butler.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on Larry Birkhead.

“She forgives me. She has had her shame of scandals.” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on his “affair” with Anna Nicole, speaking for Zsa Zsa.

“He is not good in bed” ~ Prinz von Anhalt on Howard K. Stern, speaking for Anna Nicole.

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“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

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THE NEW GOSSIP CHATROOM IS HERE!
First Chat: Howard K. Stern Is Gay? IS NOW CLOSED. IT WAS FUN! WE’LL BE BACK!

“Everybody Is Up To Something” sm

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Do get me started. At least John Kerry can open the conversation in an elevator with, “It was a botched joke.” But, for all the ships at sea, and crimeny, what’s the deal with O. J. Simpson and Norm Pardo? Deal’s, good and bad, that’s what.

Unless you have been living in, or worse, born in a box, Norm Pardo told a bunch of publications that O. J. Simpson said, “he knew Anna Nicole Smith pretty well, and he said he had slow-moving sperm, and he might be the father of Dannielynn.” Hang on, I’m not done, it gets better – so the bartender leans over the counter and says to the drunk, “I hope they don’t do a DNA test on Anna Nicole’s baby. If they find out Dannielynn is mine, I don’t want Fred Goldman trying to seize her money — or the baby herself.” I get it – funny, good one. Did O. J. really say that? Doesn’t matter, and I’ll get there in a sec.

First this first. O. J. Simpson and/or Norm Pardo (stop it! sorry, my spell checker wants me to use “pardon” here) and I will never meet. When I was younger there was always somebody wiser around who knew exactly how to coax my sometimes unwanted hope by saying something incipient like, “you can never say never,” whenever I said, “never.” As you get older, you come to understand the reality of “never,” and bonus, you actually appreciate use of the word. So, me meet O. J. and Norm? “Never say never?” Never.

O. J. Simpson. Enough said. If you’ve made it this far, there is no box. But Norm Pardo? Norm, by his own admission is a “Super Promoter.” Those who are kind say he is a Documentary Film Maker, Producer, Publicist or a Videographer, whatever that is. Norm’s thing is that somewhere within most of four years between 2000 through 2005 he took an “Excellent Adventure” bus trip with O. J. all over the place and when they ran out of gas, Norm had amassed 70 hours of fodder on his handi-cam. Norm claims he made no money, and that is and is not true, but let’s talk about value and work ethos for a sec. So, four years, that’s 4 x 365 (celebrities don’t take weekends) = 1,460 days. Don’t get up, I have a calculator, that’s 35,040 hours. Norm, you must have the vapors by now, here’s a peppermint. Dood, you worked on average just over 17 hours a year! Where’s the bus stop, I want on.

Whew, my head hurts. Though this monumental film is worthless, even Norm deserves to eat, if for no other reason than to live to entertain those of us now looking for the box. So, let’s give Norm the then minimum wage of $5.15/hour. That’s about $90 bucks a year. No need for TurboTax Norm, the IRS says you’re exempt and I agree. Of course without Congress meddling with a minimum wage, the free market might have paid more for your art. Me? Never.

“All work, and no play,” and just where does the time get to anyway? Some of the film was aired by Nancy Grace on ET back in August, 2006. It goes like this:

SIMPSON: I love my life. Isn`t life wonderful? Thank you, Jesus!
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You ever sniff coke?
SIMPSON: In my life?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.
SIMPSON: I refuse to answer that question. In recent years? No.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: But in your life. If you refuse, that means yes.
(CROSSTALK)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: This is a come-clean show.
SIMPSON: Let me tell you, when I retired from football, I went and did what everybody was doing.
No bus wants to pick up O.J. He`s, like…
(LAUGHTER)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: O. J.`s new lowest low.
(LAUGHTER)
He`s at a bus stop.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I filmed this because this is sort of weird.
SIMPSON: Then when they catch people doing it, they don`t do nothing to them. When they catch people lying, they don`t — like, they caught Fuhrman lying. When the tape came out, everybody talked, Oh, he said (DELETED). Who cares if he said (DELETED).

Nancy Grace then posed the only possible question, “Why the tapes? Why now? And what are we seeing about what Simpson has done or not done with his life since his wife was practically beheaded in the front yard?”

The answer is that Norm and O. J. were doing this pay-per-click web site called “JudgeOJ.com.” I remember what I said when I first heard about it. Never. The web site and content of the film went nowhere real fast, and I’m sure Norm blames bad timing. I mean, even I know you put your best stuff on air during “Sweeps” in November – not August. But, in fairness to Norm, I’m no Videographer. I mean, how could we not want to tune into this docudrama of O. J. sitting on a curb waiting on a bus, stage-left to O. J. in a bar cigar between his teeth with three babes squirming in his lap and better lines than Moses, “Thank you, Jesus!” Somehow, 70 hours of this has me rifling hard in the dumpster for my box.

But this wasn’t not new soil for O. J. He did a DVD titled “Juice,” where he acted as a used car salesman trying to sell a Ford Bronco, which, of course, was the ride used in his infamous slow-speed police chase. (That was good TV). He also signed autographs for money at a horror convention where there were fake severed limbs just a couple of feet away, and reportedly starred in a pay-for-view porn web video.

I know, I’m distracted. Let’s exit stage right to Norm Pardo. Norm was asked if he was making any money off JudgeOJ.com, to which he replied, “no.” He didn’t actually lie, but there again, had any real money been made, I doubt the Goldmans were in mind. You should know that in addition to his role as cameraman, Norm booked the shows in the 30 some cities toured with O. J., and the clubs did cover “expenses,” according to Norm.
So, with JudgeOJ.com now joined with all the other “dot bombs,” Norm had a problem. Four years of life gone and a pocket full of film. Norm decided we’d rather read than watch so the brainstorm of a print version was born. According to Norm, he hired a “ghost” writer and was speaking with publishers about a book deal. I’m guessing the publishers were about my age as they all said – never. Yale Galanter, O. J. ‘s attorney was asked about all this and replied, “I assume Mr. Pardo`s motives are to make money because he`s got the film and there`s nothing else he could do with it, so he`s created this Web site. And at some point, there’ll either be a fee for a book or somehow or another, Mr. Pardo will end up making money.” So much for counting out-of-state plates on this road trip, there’s work to do.

Now, let’s bring back O. J. for a minute. Remember the book deal? No, not the one above, but the more recent one, the “If I Did It,” (murdered my wife and Ron Goldman) and likewise doomed Fox TV show deal. It’s a long sordid story, and it took a while, but the book publisher and Fox finally and rightly said – never. But O. J. knows no limits when money is involved, and he did get paid for the effort. O. J. had this to say during an interview on a Miami, Florida radio show:

SIMPSON: Come on, guys. Let`s grow up. Would everybody stop being so naive? Let`s grow up. Of course I got paid. Of course I spent the money on my bills. It`s gone.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: So in terms of the Goldmans —
SIMPSON: It`s gone. I deserve the right to earn money, if I can earn money.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But O. J., wait, wait.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How does that affect the judgment? I think that`s what people are saying. Any time you earn money, —
SIMPSON: It doesn`t.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: OK, because people think that any time you get a check, the Goldmans get a check.
SIMPSON: No, that`s not correct. And guess what? There are people who I owe before the Goldmans.

It really should all end here, but it does not. You see, as I understand it, Norm wasn’t in on the “If I Did It” deal. O. J. got his, and Norm’s still got a problem – a pocket full of film. (I should let my spell-checker go, it wants “flim”). Norm was interviewed just this past late November by A. J. Hammer on Showbiz Tonight (Bear in mind – a CNN show) and had this to say:

HAMMER: You know, there has been plenty of controversy surrounding the amount of money that O. J. could have made from this Fox fiasco. On the tapes that he shot with you over the course of those four years, at one point he says, I`ll do anything to make a dollar. Did you kind of walk away from your experience with him believing he would do anything for a buck?
PARDO: Well, it`s all about the money. It`s all about the money with a lot of people. I never at one time felt Fox was going to air this. I knew that this was basically the same thing Barbara Walters did. She did the same thing.
HAMMER: You knew from the start that this Fox project was dead on arrival.
PARDO: That`s correct. I knew that was going nowhere. I knew that he managed to dupe Fox into doing it. He`s a very smart man. They under estimated him.
HAMMER: So you think that he took advantage of their naivete in this situation. This is a big corporation we`re talking about.
PARDO: For anybody to believe that O. J. Simpson, to start with, would go on Fox. On my tapes, that`s the network that he despised the most. I mean, he — he hated Fox. HAMMER: In terms of the tapes that you have, Norm, there have been some conflicting reports flying around as far as those are concerned. Are you in fact selling them, or are you still pitching them around, or have you sold the tapes already? PARDO: We`re working with a couple different networks to try to put together a program.
HAMMER: What are you —
PARDO: I want them edited as a documentary to show O. J. Simpson, both sides of him, the way it was meant to be, not, you know, where he`s going to confess on TV, –blah blah blah — the real tapes, just him out in the streets. You can see him for what he is. And then you, like me, would have known he would have never confessed on Fox. Fox hired Mark Furman as a commentator

Sour grapes? Duplicitous? Geez, Louise. Poor Norm. The “Magical Mystery (bus) Tour” took a wrong turn and was an un”Excellent Adventure.” JudgeOJ.com a “dot bomb.” Never titled nor written book deal number one – fizzzzz, gone. No “dance card” for book deal number two or follow-up Fox TV show, “If I Did It.” And now to make my spell-checker happy, he’s still got a pocket full of “flim.” Norm has a problem, and now this really bad “joke,” about a little girl who can’t even talk yet. Did O. J. say it? I said it doesn’t matter, and it really depends. Follow the money. But Norm, when are you going to learn, “that dog can’t hunt.”

The dog. Oh yeah. This is a story about my dog. He’s a good dog, older now, and does his stuff in the back yard. I know this, because my Uncle was over the other day cussin’ at the back door. I went to open and asked him; “What’s the matter?” He said, “I’m trying to get all this G**D*** O. J. Simpson off my shoe.” Think my dog will change? Never.

“Everybody Is Up To Something” sm

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(UPDATE – MARCH 10, 2007 – PLEASE READ THE COMMENTS SECTION HERE. PRETTY MUCH SEZ IT ALL)

Out Easy is a little late with this, but “The Dress” got away. 😦 A bunch of questions surely will go un-answered, but our Bests tell us the lucky duck got a steal on “The Dress” from our Fave Uber-Fab Singer Sewer Pol’ Atteu. We went for the back door, but entry looks fruitless:

Pol’ Atteu Dress Inbox

 

Hey Jay,

Did “The Dress” sell? If your buyer falls through, let me know. I
would be interested. Thank you,


Out Easy

Dear Ms. Easy,

It was mailed out today. Keep checking our store.

We have things that are much nicer than

the Pol’ Atteu dress.

Thanks,

Jay and Barbara

This is a real barbituate, but I’m still up enuff to shop, and found this on EBay near “The Dress:”

ANNA NICOLE SMITH AUTHENTIC FUNERAL ROSE

  Item number: 260093997760

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ANNA NICOLE SMITH AUTHENTIC FUNERAL PINK ROSE. DIRECT FROM THE BAHAMAS WHERE I AM WRITING THIS ADD FROM. WE ATTENDED ANNA NICOLE’S FUNERAL YESTERDAY AND IT WAS FABULOUS, AND WE WOULD LIKE TO OFFER 6 OF THE BEAUTIFUL PINK ROSES WE RECEIVED FROM THE CEREMONY AS SEEN IN PHOTO. I AM SO SORRY WE CAN NOT DOWNLOAD THE CLOSE UP PHOTOS OF FLOWERS FROM HERE BUT THE OFFER IS FOR ONE PINK ROSE IN A GLASS OR PLASTIC TUBE AND CLOSED LID FOR THAT FRESH PACKAGING. ITEM WILL COME WITH A COA. THIS IS A VERY RARE AND AWESOME ITEM TO HAVE FOR ANY COLLECTION OR JUST TO REMEMBER! PLEASE KEEP YOUR QUESTIONS FOCUSED ON THE ITEM. WE WILL SHIP PRIORITY MAIL FROM THE MAINLAND AS SOON AS WE LAND IN BOX FORM. PLEASE EMAIL ME ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE RE: ADD.

Go figure. My favorite part of this ad is the amphiboly near the end: “…WE WILL SHIP THIS AS SOON AS WE LAND IN BOX…”

Well, “Prop Hall of Fame,” considering you are (a) a bad writer, (b) a pathological liar, and (c) a grave robber, shipping you home air freight in a box sounds about right.

If you really need cash this bad, e-me and I’ll give you Howard K. Stern’s parent’s phone number. For faster service, click below, you’ll feel better about you.

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“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING.” sm