Dr. Perper


12 April, 2007 ~ If Col. Lindberg’s baby were with us today, he would be 75, a good age. Anyhow, I have never been quite satisfied with the outcome of the trial. The following sighting is an update to the outcome of this post:

“We never intended to take Dannielynn from anyone, we were just here in case Prince Von Anhalt was the father. We wish Larry luck in raising Dannielynn and we wish him the best.” ~ Spokesforce on hand in the Bahamas. More follows,


Prince von Anhalt on Dannielynn

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


This is a partial transcript from “On the Record,” April 10, 2007, that has been edited for clarity.GRETA VAN SUSTEREN, HOST: Howard K. Stern is not the only one disappointed with today’s paternity announcement. There is also Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Fredric von Anhalt. He joins us on the phone from his Bel Air home. His lawyer Chris Fields is in L.A.

Prince Fredric, is disappointment the word to describe how you feel tonight, the proof being that it’s Larry Birkhead who is the father and not you?

FREDRIC VON ANHALT, ZSA ZSA GABOR’S HUSBAND: No. I’m not very disappointed. I’m not disappointed at all, you know, it’s just that I was a tiny bit upset, you know, because I would like to have the child. I would love to have a baby in the house, you know, but on the other side, I was very happy that Larry Birkhead is the father now and not Howard Stern.

Happy also that my wife is not so much upset because bringing a child home, you know, being married to Zsa Zsa Gabor for 20 years, bringing home a child would be terrible for her and would have upset her very much and she was very happy when she had the news today.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, well, that’s — and Larry likewise is happy. You know, now that Larry Birkhead is the father, I know that you got into a bit of a spat with Bill O’Reilly, he called you a fraud over this whole fatherhood thing and that you filed a lawsuit against Bill O’Reilly and FOX News. Are you still going to go forward with it now that Larry is the father?

ANHALT: Well, you see, if I — I don’t know if I could.

CHRIS FIELDS, PRINCE ANHALT’S ATTY: Let me interrupt, Greta.

ANHALT: No, no, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute; he calls me a fraud because I told him I had an affair with Nicole? It doesn’t matter if Larry Birkhead is the father or not, I could have been the father, I never said I am the father. I said I could be father. But he said because I said I had an affair with Nicole that’s not true and he calls me a fraud. That’s how what he did. You know, and that is all.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, Chris, you want to get in on this. Chris, who is your lawyer. Chris, you want to get in on this.

FIELDS: Well, I just wanted to caution Frederic on saying too much out of the league sphere. We’re proceeding with the process. It remains to be seen how far we’ll take it, but we are very serious about the suit.

VAN SUSTEREN: You know, Chris, it’s very interesting because as I understand the lawsuit, the prince said that they didn’t like he didn’t like being called a fraud that that reflected on his credibility. And what I’m sort of — I’m a little fixated on the whole fact that, you know, that he’s worried that his word isn’t any good anymore, yet he publicly comes out and says that when he said “I do” to Zsa Zsa Gabor 20 years ago that apparently his word wasn’t good there either because he had an affair.

ANHALT: I tell you. I want to tell you something.

VAN SUSTEREN: Go ahead, Prince.

ANHALT: I want to tell you something, if I get — when we go to court, if I see Bill O’Reilly in court and I will prove, then I will come with witnesses and also places where I was with Anna Nicole. Right now there is not a fight. If I get into a fight I bring you the proof and the Bill O’Reilly will look stupid, there. I’m telling you that right now. But, on the other side, Bill O’Reilly has one choice, you know, either I see him in court or at least he apologizes.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, being a — Prince, if you wanted to bring the proof to me, I’ll be happy to put it on the air.

ANHALT: No, I’m going to bring it to court.

VAN SUSTEREN: All right, well OK, bring it to court, then. Whatever. It certainly is an interesting lawsuit to put it lightly and gently. And we’ll follow this one.

FIELDS: And Greta.


FIELDS: If I can interrupt. Being called a fraud has a definite, very bad criminal and civil connotation. Being called a philanderer…

VAN SUSTEREN: I agree. You know what, Chris? I think being called a philanderer, I think that’s lame. You know, it says that when you say “I do” that your word is no good. I mean, I don’t know. Maybe call me old fashion.

FIELDS: Well, we have a lot of public and media figures who, unfortunately, they cheat on their spouses. And it’s just — it’s an unfortunate fact of our pop culture, if you will.

VAN SUSTEREN: And that is good for another whole show you and the prince now have to do another whole show on that one. Anyway.


VAN SUSTEREN: Prince, thank you for joining us again. Chris, thank you as well.


FIELDS: Thank you.



Today could be the day of reckoning for Prinz Frederic von Anhalt, 65, spouse to legend Zsa Zsa Gabor, 90, both current residents of Bel Air, CA. Frederic, together with a cast of plenty are claiming paternity to Dannielynn, the near seven month old baby daughter of recently deceased actress Anna Nicole Smith. von Anahlt surprised most admitting to a past extra-marital affair with Ms. Smith, and subsequently insisted upon contributing a sample some ten days ago, believed buccal, to prove his assertion to be child’s natural father. Sources in the Bahamas say labratory results are now available, however, it remains uncertain whether the judge will allow same into testimony in today’s Supreme Court proceedings, now in active session. On reporting for the DNA test, von Anhalt offered, “I felt like it.” Attorney Fields representing Frederic summed the action, “we are playing catch-up.”




Heutiger Tag konnte der Tag der Abrechnung für Prinz Frederic von Anhalt, 65, Gatte zur Legende Zsa Zsa Gabor, 90, beide gegenwärtigen Bewohner der Bel-Luft, CA Frederic, zusammen mit einer Form von viel sein behaupten Vaterschaft zu Dannielynn, die nahe siebenmonatliche alte Babytochter des vor kurzem gestorbenen Schauspielerin Anna Nicole Smith. von Anahlt überraschtes Zulassen zu a hinter Extra-ehelicher Angelegenheit mit Ms Smith und nachher beharrt nach dem Beitragen einer Probe einigen 10 Tagen, geglaubtes bukkales, um seine Behauptung zu beweisen, um natürlicher Vater vor des Kindes zu sein. Quellen in den labratory Resultaten des Bahamas Sagens sind jetzt vorhanden, jedoch bleibt sie, ob der Richter selben in Zeugnis in den heutigen Gerichtverfahren erlaubt, jetzt im aktiven Lernabschnitt unsicher. Auf Bericht für den DNA Test, bot von Anhalt an, „ich fühlte wie es.“ Rechtsanwalt fängt das Darstellen von Frederic summierte die Tätigkeit, „wir spielen sich verfangen-oben.“



Frederic tests lies, onlookers, LA attorneys Lee & Fields hold case





L>R: Judy & Toto, “Baby Gumm” Judy Garland in first film 1929, James Brown, Harry Houdini, Lalla Rooke, Daniel and Anna Nicole Smith & Marilyn too, Zviad Gamsakhurdia, Reverend Billy Graham

April 5 – Editorial Note: I can do this in that I’m the editor. I had lunch today with a bud, (like, I’m really gonna have lunch with somebody I hate) who read the “Run Toto, Run” story, and for that, I caught the tab, but he missed what I tried there, I think, and I’ll try to explain it like this. Been to a funeral lately? They’re really all the same, actually. Look around. Everybody’s grasping all hands, smiling, bobbing heads toward the side affected, by gravity, I guess, and you can lip read. “I know,” and “It’s a shame.” That’s what you’ll see most. But back up for a sec. What you are really seeing is what’s on everybody’s mind in the in the social hall. “I’m glad it’s not me.” Look over the top of everybody’s head, it’s written in those little speech balloons floating up there. Anyhow, kinda what I was getting at in the story seemed simple to me. I meant, look at these gifts, then pause. Here’s one who worked from the time she could walk – ’til she walked no more, pets who do what pets do – love you, a country’s president – lost. How do you lose a president? Go figure. Pets. Got a dog? Never fails. Leave the house for 15 minutes or 15 days. It won’t make any difference. When you come back, his reaction will always be exactly the same love. This is kinda where I was wandering here. Baby Gumm, you said it in a lot less words than me, “If I am a legend, then why am I so lonely.” That’s all.


“My goodness, people come and go so quickly around here!” “Ain’t it the truth, ain’t it the truth.” Famous lines by Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion, and great advice to a little dog facing impending doom. Were I any of the above souls, I’d run too. Not that you can avoid the reaper, but think about it. We can’t get’em in the ground and/or can’t leave ’em be.



Up there on the left, that’s little Toto, who’s real name was Terry, but changed it after the Wizard of Oz fame. After Toto died, some say she was buried in the backyard of her trainer, Carl Spitz. Now, Spitz’s property was sold to the city of Los Angeles, and the Ventura Freeway was built over it. Given incessant construction, no telling which exit ramp Toto is under now. I have also been alerted, however, to a report in The Guinness Book of World Records that Toto was stuffed and her remains were auctioned off in 1996 for $3,680. So, with the never to end popularity of eBay, Toto just might run forever.



Next up (or down), is Frances Ethel “Baby” Gumm, who later changed her name to Judy Garland. Judy worked 45 of her 47 years in show biz and died in 1969.Judy was put in a temporary crypt, actually a hole in the wall at Ferncliff Cemetery for about a year awaiting her family’s decision on a suitable resting place. Months later, The National Enquirer magazine got a tip saying Judy still wasn’t buried. After running the story under the blockbuster headline; “JUDY GARLAND IS STILL NOT BURIED.” much embarrassment and all sorts of “official” statements were made by the family and Judy was finally properly interred in Ferncliff.

Finally. What’s that? Our Bests’ tell us Judy may be relocated to Hollywood Forever Cemetery, due to the fact that daughter Liza (I can’t keep up with her current last name) is looking at her own mortality, and would like to be interred along with her mother. Well, fine. Surely “over the rainbow” is “somewhere.” Run, Toto!





Then there’s James Brown, who to this day is still; “The Hardest Working Man In Show Business,” and probably will retain that distinction because the family won’t quit bickering about him. James finished his last set this past Christmas Day and was brought in from the cold on March 2 and is thawing in a temporary facility on somebody’s property, depending on how probate goes. Hey, Judge Larry Seidlin has been moved to Probate to replace Judge “Tokin’ in the Park” Korda, so maybe Larry will get to decide this issue, like he’s capable. Listening-up TMZ? Anyhow, more of the dilemma is influenced by how to properly “display” James to the benefit of, posterity? The family and “friends” are thinking “Graceland” here, so, “Get On Up” James. I’m going on record by saying James would still be on ice today if not for my thankful intervening by the Rev. Al Sharpton who didn’t like what he was seeing in the Anna Nicole thing, and convinced everybody to put at least a temporary end to the family feud. We’ll see “What’s Goin’ On,” one of these days.




Stepping over the above, Harry Houdini, the most “captivated” magician of all time, born Ehrich Weiss did the disappearing spiel in 1926 and is scheduled for an encore sometime this April courtesy of his Grand-Nephew; George Hardeen. (Hmm, Grand-Nephew, that would make him…never-mind). The official cause of Houdini’s death was peritonitis brought on by a ruptured appendix, but a lot of people have speculated otherwise over the past eighty years, including Hardeen. Last week, George got a court blessing to have the body exhumed, ostensibly to put an end to this weighty matter. Look, it might be just me, but, no pun here – for the life of me – I cannot even figure out what a Grand-Nephew is, or imagine living long enough to meet mine, but if George feels so close and indebted to Harry, well God Bless him and, go for it dood. Did I say indebted? George could have more money than Carter’s got Liver Pills for all I know, but, what a coincidence it is that Amazon is backing up for “The Secret Life of Houdini.” Here’s another one for you, National Enquirer, no charge; OPENED CASKET REVEALS NOBODY.” Hey, why not, remember Harry did die on Halloween, and with his talent, could be reading and following a tip from this story.




With movement to that poor lady up there; Lalla Rooke, who I attempted to memorialize in “I’m Comin’ To Join You Honey,” has got to hold the modern history record for a from death to burial inexperience. It took 100 years to get most of her in the ground, and thanks to the miracles of parcel post, more of her was discovered and shipped back for proper disposal by the Royal College of Surgeons of England some six years later. I’ve requested a brochure from these madcap M.D.’s, and, surprise, I’m still waiting. Cheeky, you Brits. With all that is going on, I’ll bet you’re taking inventory.



Daniel and Anna Nicole Smith. Are they really dead and buried? I don’t know, and it depends on your source of news. Now that I have to make my own dog’s food to save him from rat poison, I have no time to loiter at the grocery store check-out with their copy of the Star. You don’t need me here, you know the whole thing is a giant cluster fudge. Daniel’s death is in court as it appears suspicious, and did anyone pick-up on what Dr. Perper said about Anna’s anus? Beyond “unbelievable,” he said, “we did not do a biopsy (there).” There’s the “dig ’em up” card. I guarantee at least one of these bodies will rise to the surface to feel a Bahamian trade wind soon. Can’t you hear it; “Well, Jan-der, since the back-hoe is here, might as well get both.” Marilyn, the Maltese puppy Anna is holding was rumored to have been run over in Nassau by a CNN news van, which was denied by the network. Anyone seen the dog lately? Run, Marilyn!



Yesterday, the good people in Grozny, Chechnya put casters on the body of His Excellency Zviad Gamsakhurdia and wheeled him back to the capital city of Tbilisi, Georgia with burial in mind. He’d been lost since the date of his death on 31 December, 1993. Whew. Zviad is famous for a bunch, but most notably was the first post-Soviet elected president. His life, though controversial, pales when compared to his death. The body was found about a month ago and was taken to the family’s ancestral house in Tblisi. As if the deads’ wishes mean anything these days, Zviad’s widow demanded he be buried on the grounds of Tbilisi’s cathedral, but a government commission there hates the idea, and is recommending he be interred at the pantheon on Mtatsminda mountain at the edge of the city. Hard to make a buck in the mortician biz these days.



Anybody see a pattern here? Though still vertical, I think, have you been reading about Rev. Billy Graham and his children’s plans lately? Hear this dog’s advice to a great man: while you can, Run Billy, Run!



“Everybody Is Up To Something” sm


LOS ANGELES: Pole At’ewe Productions of Beverly Hills has announced their latest reality based show; “Nassau Full-O’ ” taken from the once longest running (until now) TV shows; Hawaii-50. (Click Intro Tune)


Howard K. Stern as the no-nonsense squatter Steve McGarrett


“Larry-O” Birkhead as the ever-ready and able Danny “Book me, ‘Em” Williams


Virgie “Can I Plead the 5th” Arthur as Steve’s nemesis the evil Wo Fat


Dr. Joshua Perper as his “Raison d’Etre” Pathologist Doc Berg


Larry “I Got a Show” Seidlin as Detective Chin Ho Kelly


“Big Moe” as Detective look-alike Kono Kalakaua


Donald Eugene “We’re Not In Texas Anymore?” Hogan as Ben Kokua


Prince Freddy “Zsa Zsa” Anhalt as the Duke Lukela


Immigration Minister Shane “Don’ Worry, Be Happy” Gibson as the Governor


(Click Closing Tune)

“Everybody Is Up To Something” sm