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A MUST READ STORY! CLICK THE PICTURE FOR FULL DETAILS! IT’S SHOCKING!

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UN-BREAKING NEWS?

Are you following the story about the guy who had a sports drink, went to bed for the night and woke up with a “woody?” So, maybe no “big deal,” but somehow he managed to maintain the thing for two years, and now he’s suing the beverage manufacturer. I dunno, for me, there’s just some things which are tough enough to discuss with your kids or doctor, let alone going postal in public. Like, “Daddy, what’s a Dick for?” Answer: “Exactly!” Or; “Doc, what is Priapism?” Answer: “You’ll know if you have it.” And; “Well, what are the symptoms?” Answer: “You’ll know if you have it.” I reckon I’m the “fuddy-dud,” when confronted with “hard” issues, but am coming to “grasp” the whole thing in a worldly perspective.

IN NEW YORK – Christopher Woods (irony) charges he got too much of a “boost” — from an energy drink called Boost Plus. (more irony)

He is suing the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not go away, and caused him to be hospitalized. The lawsuit said Woods, 29, drank the nutrition beverage, which is made by the Novartis pharmaceutical company, on June 5, 2004. Woods’ court papers said he woke up the next morning “with an erection that would not subside,” and sought treatment for the condition. (mixed blessings) According to court documents, Woods had surgery to relieve the condition known as severe priapism. He was implanted with a Winter shunt, which moves blood from one area to another. The lawsuit, filed late Monday, said Woods had problems that required a hospital visit and medical procedures to close blood vessels on his penis. Woods’ lawsuit seeks unspecified damages. A spokeswoman for the drug company said the company did not comment on pending litigation. Novartis’ Boost Plus Web site describes the drink as “a great tasting, high calorie, nutritionally complete oral supplement for people who require extra energy and protein in a limited volume.” This is hardly false advertising, and if I were counsel for the defendant, I’d argue Caveat Emptor.

Your Question:

Dear Experts,

I know this is a stupid question, but what exactly is a boner? There are a lot of things my friends talk about, but I don’t know what they mean!!!!

Nikki

The Answer:

Dear Nikki,

A “boner” is a slang term that refers to a man’s erection. When boys and men become sexually excited — by sexual thoughts, wet dreams, or sex play with themselves or another person — their penises fill with blood and get hard and erect. Sometimes boys and young men get erections for no reason at all. These “spontaneous erections” can be embarrassing, but are perfectly normal. Hope this information helps! Take care,

teenwire.com® Editors

This fresco is painted in the entrance-way of a wealthy ancient Pompeian home. Yes, he does have an untouched-up huge “shlong.” Here is why this is culture rather than meriting a “Mature Content” sticker. Priapus, whence “Priapism” got its name, was an ancient, but minor, god of fertility for the Romans. His over-sized manhood represents abundance, fertility, and good fortune. This picture depicts his member being weighed in scales against bags of gold. The man who owned this house was displaying his piety, rather than potency, by saying something like; “look, we are rich, but this is nothing without being balanced by good fortune.” That takes the gold – probably introduced the notion of theft to the nefarious Neapolitans.

Contrary to what you might have thought, “Pay-to-Play” was not coined in Vegas.

If you have these in your garden, let ’em be. They are good for it. Hence; “Priapus” in the name. These snakes have a reputation for being feisty when cornered, and are quick to flee when threatened, which proves evolution is a myth, considering John Wayne Bobbitt.

I’m no Pliny “the Younger,” rich Pompeian, and cannot afford to decorate my home in their magnificence, so, I hope the neighbors appreciate my “pop-art” creation displaying “piety.”

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

IN THE; “ARE YOU SMOKIN’ CRACK” DEPARTMENT…

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We don’t really know much about this Andrew Speaker, the dood who flew all over the planet a week or so ago, spreading fear and pestilence. “Tuberculosis Andy.” We do know, however, he is a member of the popular Internet social hooking site “Meet Up;” Subversive Sub-Chapter: ATLANTA GREAT DANES.

One of the busy-body members shot this email to the group today:

Hi All-

Someone was smoking at the Brook Run Meetup today. I just wanted to make everyone aware that there is a no smoking policy at this dog park (and at Sweat Mountain and Waggy World too). The only dog park where smoking is allowed is Piedmont.

Please be considerate of others, both dogs and people, for whom second hand smoke, even in a park setting, is a health hazard.

If anyone wants to review the policies at these parks, here are the links:

Brook Run Park Dunwoody http://www.jawitp.com/

Sweat Mountain Park Marietta http://prca.cobbcountyga.gov/DogPark.htm

Waggy World Alpharetta http://alpharetta.ga.us/index.php?p=331

Thank you.
Janet

My dog, “Baezkid,” is a Great Dane “wannabe,” (I’ve got the AKA papers) and applied for membership to the Atlanta Society, but so far, has been snubbed. I try to make it up to him by us walking behind the group, but lately, he’s just listless.

Oh well, I’m tired too. No “Sweat.” Maybe I’ll just sit for a smoke and read up on the “Waggy-World” rules here.

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Janet, You Rock ~ Go “Gurl Frend”

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GRAB YOURS AND GO…

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Prinz Pathos – Best Costume Design

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Howard K. Stern – Best Short Story

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Mark “Hollywood” Hatten – Best Makeup

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Orinthal Simpson – Best Original Story

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Virgie Arthur – Lifetime Achievement Award

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All The Rest of You – There’s Plenty to Go Around

ZSA ZSA GABOR & DAVE LETTERMAN ON FAST FOOD

Please note that while funny, this video has little or nothing to do with the above story, so this seems to be the appropriate place for it. 🙂

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The Return of ‘If I Did It’

The family of Ron Goldman now says it wants O.J. Simpson’s book published. What changed their minds?

O.J. Simpson’s “tell-all book “If I Did It” will likely be published after all—with the help of, get this; murder victim Ronald L. Goldman’s family. A California court ruled that proceeds from the auction of the book rights would go to the Goldman family, not Simpson. Simpson was found liable in 1997 for the wrongful deaths of Goldman and O.J.’s ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson, which occured on June 12, 1994. Simpson has paid almost nothing of the $33.5 million judgment (now, with interest, grown to $38 million) he owes to the Goldman and Brown families.

(CLICK FOR CHILLING BOOK EXCERPT)

“IF I DID IT” VIDEO PROMO:

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Prince Porno yukkin’ it up with Paris

Zu unserem Freund Outeasy von deinen Freunden an TV TOTAL. Genießen!

THIS STORY CONTINUES HERE.

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“Is that smoke, where’s it coming from?” No doubt about it. This news now breaking wind is guaranteed to spark a firestorm of classless action suits, although attorney doods, I don’t want to get anywhere near your conference rooms. Coincidentally, a brush fire is sweeping the Hollywood Hills threatening Universal City, Griffith Park, and the Prinz and Porno’s (Frederick & Marcus) favorite parking spot near the world’s most photographed billboard. No word on the cause of the fire? LOL. Now’s a good time to quit cigarettes. Kevin, bro, you really were on to something with that six degrees thing.

Swiss pharmaceutical maker Novartis AG will stop selling a drug to relieve constipation after it was linked to a higher chance of heart attack, stroke and worsening heart chest pain that can become a heart attack, federal health officials said Friday.

Novartis agreed to withdraw Zelnorm at the FDA’s request, the agency said in a public health advisory. Zelnorm, also called tegaserod maleate, is a prescription medication approved for short-term treatment of women with irritable bowel syndrome with constipation and for patients younger than 65 with chronic constipation, the FDA said. Doctors who prescribe Zelnorm should work with their patients and transition them to other therapies as appropriate, the FDA added. Oh. I got it. Constipation is now appropriate. Thank you, FDA.

Be worried. Be very very worried.

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

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