Bahamas


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“You were hungry!” “Well, how would you like to have someone come along and pick something off of you?” I love the Wizard of Oz.

I think it was John Lennon who said something like, “The problem is possession is not nine-tenths of the law, it’s nine-tenths of the problem.”

Well, that pretty much sums up the whole cesspool of swimmers in this Anna Nicole leech-fest. Making a buck is OK, that’s work. Making a buck at somebody’s expense, dead or alive, that’s not OK, that’s wrong.

I’ve lived in the sticks, and I know a little about cesspools. They are supposed to be a temporary repository for the undesired, which means their biggest problem is you have to clean them out frequently. But this one, there’s no drain…where is it all coming from?

If you visit this site often you know it’s really about people who are looking for The Easy Way Out. For the most, people who are trying to make a buck the wrong way. If you follow the Anna Nicole Dress Conspiracy thing here, you’ll get the idea, I hope. Take the grave robber who came along and “picked” a funeral rose for re-sale on Ebay. He was “hungry,” I guess.

I’m not a big fan of John Lennon, but he got it right. It is true, what you want to possess can kill you. Somebody asked me, “Why are you so cynical, do you really believe everybody is up to something?” “Nope,” I said. “But, I do believe in spooks.” I love the Wizard of Oz.

“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm

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“DAYLIGHT COME AND HE WAN’ GO HOME”

Little weary from straw “marketeering” with my new found bro (yeah, we’re in touch) the EBay Petal Pusher; Prop Hall of “Shame” from the Anna Nicole Dress Conspiracy II, so, I’m back on board the Festival, now weighed in Freeport, taking in the Lounge Lizzards and sippin’ Bahama Mamas’ at the Lodi Poop Deck. “Howard, is that you?” “Dang, you got game, dood, crazy, wacky, funky, jumpin’ – do the hump!” “Love it!” “Is that Larry on that keyboard thing?” “I want some of what y’all got!” “Can anybody play this game?”

“WORK ALL NIGHT ON A DRINK OF RUM”

OK, I’m not in Nassau, but hey, you can Fake Your Way To The Top, right Prop?

“COME MR. TALLY MON, TALLY ME BANANA”

(Conch Fry is happening tonite at Horizons – Over the Hill, Bring Some Bump!)

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“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm

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(UPDATE – MARCH 10, 2007 – PLEASE READ THE COMMENTS SECTION HERE. PRETTY MUCH SEZ IT ALL)

Out Easy is a little late with this, but “The Dress” got away. 😦 A bunch of questions surely will go un-answered, but our Bests tell us the lucky duck got a steal on “The Dress” from our Fave Uber-Fab Singer Sewer Pol’ Atteu. We went for the back door, but entry looks fruitless:

Pol’ Atteu Dress Inbox

 

Hey Jay,

Did “The Dress” sell? If your buyer falls through, let me know. I
would be interested. Thank you,


Out Easy

Dear Ms. Easy,

It was mailed out today. Keep checking our store.

We have things that are much nicer than

the Pol’ Atteu dress.

Thanks,

Jay and Barbara

This is a real barbituate, but I’m still up enuff to shop, and found this on EBay near “The Dress:”

ANNA NICOLE SMITH AUTHENTIC FUNERAL ROSE

  Item number: 260093997760

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ANNA NICOLE SMITH AUTHENTIC FUNERAL PINK ROSE. DIRECT FROM THE BAHAMAS WHERE I AM WRITING THIS ADD FROM. WE ATTENDED ANNA NICOLE’S FUNERAL YESTERDAY AND IT WAS FABULOUS, AND WE WOULD LIKE TO OFFER 6 OF THE BEAUTIFUL PINK ROSES WE RECEIVED FROM THE CEREMONY AS SEEN IN PHOTO. I AM SO SORRY WE CAN NOT DOWNLOAD THE CLOSE UP PHOTOS OF FLOWERS FROM HERE BUT THE OFFER IS FOR ONE PINK ROSE IN A GLASS OR PLASTIC TUBE AND CLOSED LID FOR THAT FRESH PACKAGING. ITEM WILL COME WITH A COA. THIS IS A VERY RARE AND AWESOME ITEM TO HAVE FOR ANY COLLECTION OR JUST TO REMEMBER! PLEASE KEEP YOUR QUESTIONS FOCUSED ON THE ITEM. WE WILL SHIP PRIORITY MAIL FROM THE MAINLAND AS SOON AS WE LAND IN BOX FORM. PLEASE EMAIL ME ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE RE: ADD.

Go figure. My favorite part of this ad is the amphiboly near the end: “…WE WILL SHIP THIS AS SOON AS WE LAND IN BOX…”

Well, “Prop Hall of Fame,” considering you are (a) a bad writer, (b) a pathological liar, and (c) a grave robber, shipping you home air freight in a box sounds about right.

If you really need cash this bad, e-me and I’ll give you Howard K. Stern’s parent’s phone number. For faster service, click below, you’ll feel better about you.

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“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING.” sm

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16 May, 2007

Now that Howard K. Stern is the “exchequer” of the Anna Nicole Smith estate, I wonder who is going to take care of this bill? Of course, though, this is the same law firm that handled the Horizons deal in the first place. I imagine they will be counter-sued big time:

Bahamas law firm sues Anna Nicole Smith

NASSAU, Bahamas (Reuters): A Bahamas law firm says it is suing former Playboy Playmate and oil heiress Anna Nicole Smith for unpaid legal fees of $113,000.

Former Playboy playmate Anna
Nicole Smith. AFP FILE PHOTO

Callenders, based in Nassau, secured an injunction from the Bahamas Supreme Court forbidding Smith to reduce the balance in her local bank accounts below $125,000.

Attorney Tracy Ferguson said Smith had repeatedly failed to pay fees due her company.

“We are determined to pursue this. We will be paid. Ms. Smith now needs to respond to this and stop being evasive,” the Nassau Tribune newspaper quoted Ferguson as saying on Friday.

An attorney for Smith could not be reached for comment.

Smith hired Callenders in September to handle affairs surrounding her 20-year-old son Daniel, who died at his mother’s hospital bedside three days after she gave birth to daughter Dannie Lynn Hope.

The firm later withdrew its services, but only after several weeks of work.

This week, the firm filed a lawsuit seeking to enforce the injunction to recoup fees, interest and costs.

In an affidavit, Ferguson said she believed Smith had the funds to pay “but that she has a total aversion to paying her bills and that she will seek to avoid paying the fees by any means that occur to her, including by sending her money within this jurisdiction abroad.”

IT IS?

But, what exactly is, “It?” The Bahamian Ministry of Tourism coined that wallet draining phrase sometime in the 1970’s to conjure visions of surf, sun and sex. Well, sure, but you can get that anywhere. To me, the “It” is Howard K. Stern, and “It” is truly better in the Bahamas. Consider, here’s a guy whose parents funded an education for a seat wasted in law school deserved by anyone motivated beyond butt-warming the bench. I mean, come on, the dood doesn’t work, has “represented” only one “client,” and save for his current entertainment-noir value, his contribution is as meaningful as that “germ-ed” penny we all step over on the grocery store floor. Sociopaths with an itinerary like Howard’s see plenty of surf, sun and sex at exotic enclaves like Ryker’s Island, unfortunately, at our expense. In the United States, it costs close to $30,000 annually on average to house a con Howard’s age, and that number grows to $70,000 over age 60. If not in jail, where else would he land? He doesn’t own a home, work is not going to happen, and the free rent money is dead, so, where – homeless? The social cost of caring for the indigent in the United States is not far behind jail, but if necessary, I’ll pick up and spend that extra bad penny to keep his mug off the streets. So, I couldn’t agree more, y’all keep Howard; “‘It’s,’ Better In The Bahamas.”

“It” knows The Bahamas are better too. Talk about a sack of sugar deal – high rollers don’t get it this good at the Bellagio. Rent-free, all expenses paid, surf, sun and sex (the latter debatable, of course). According to Bahamian Law with regard to “Squatters,” Howard may (emphasis on may) wind up suffering a two week notice to leave “Horizons,” and a $50 dollar fine:

Squatters and Trespassing

159. (1) When on the hearing of any complaint against any person
for having, without probable claim or pretence of title, entered upon or taken possession of any premises in The Bahamas, it shall
appear to the magistrate that the defendant has entered upon or takenpossession of the premises without any probable claim or
pretence of title, the magistrate may make an order directing him to deliver up to the person named in such order, peaceable possession
of such premises together with all crops growing thereon, and to remove any animal or movable property which the defendant may have
placed or have thereon; and in case the defendant shall not, within fourteen days after service thereof, comply with the terms of such
order, the magistrate may sentence him to be imprisoned for a term of fourteen days; and the magistrate may make a further order for
the immediate delivery over of the possession of such premises to theperson named in the order and for the removal of any animal or
movable property which the defendant may have placed or have thereon.


   

160. Whoever-


(1)

is found upon any premises without being able to give a lawful excuse for being there;

(2)

enters upon the premises of any other person against the will and permission of the owner
or occupier of such premises;

(3)

unlawfully enters and remains on any such premises after having been required to
depart therefrom;

(4)

having lawfully entered upon any such premises, misconducts himself by behaving in an insulting, annoying or threatening manner;

(5)

being on any such premises remains thereon after having been lawfully required to depart therefrom, or returns thereto after being removed therefrom shall on the complaint of the owner or occupier of such pre-

mises, be liable to a fine of fifty dollars.

Gotta know Mr. G. Ben Thompson, whom I’m betting really does own Horizons, does not agree “It’s’ Better In The Bahamas.” But all hope is not lost. Being an animal lover, I’m not an advocate of this, but were I G. Ben, I’d be thinking about bringing a cow over from Myrtle Beach, roping it up in the front yard, and getting some “spring breakers” involved in a “drive-by cow tipping.” The money is better; a $500 fine, and Howard could be relocated to the big pink house for six months, where there is surf, sun, and (sex is not debated).

Injuries to Animals, etc.

165. Whoever intentionally and unlawfully kills,
maims or wounds any cattle, the value of the animal killed, maimed or wounded not exceeding one hundred dollars
or causes any damage not exceeding five hundred dollars to any cattle, shall be liable to a fine of five hundred
dollars or to imprisonment for six months.


“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm

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“HORIZONS” on Eastern Road, Nassau, Bahamas, and “It,” The Squatter

LOS ANGELES: Pole At’ewe Productions of Beverly Hills has announced their latest reality based show; “Nassau Full-O’ ” taken from the once longest running (until now) TV shows; Hawaii-50. (Click Intro Tune)

HERE’S A SNEAKY PEAK OF THE CAST:

Howard K. Stern as the no-nonsense squatter Steve McGarrett

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“Larry-O” Birkhead as the ever-ready and able Danny “Book me, ‘Em” Williams

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Virgie “Can I Plead the 5th” Arthur as Steve’s nemesis the evil Wo Fat

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Dr. Joshua Perper as his “Raison d’Etre” Pathologist Doc Berg

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Larry “I Got a Show” Seidlin as Detective Chin Ho Kelly

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“Big Moe” as Detective look-alike Kono Kalakaua

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Donald Eugene “We’re Not In Texas Anymore?” Hogan as Ben Kokua

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Prince Freddy “Zsa Zsa” Anhalt as the Duke Lukela

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Immigration Minister Shane “Don’ Worry, Be Happy” Gibson as the Governor

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(Click Closing Tune)

“Everybody Is Up To Something” sm

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(Pictured Above – Anna and Hugh, Anna in 1993 Playboy, Marilyn in 1953 Playboy, Anna’s Lakeview Grave, Marilyn’s Westwood Grave)

…site choice may have gotten complicated.

Marilyn Monroe, born Norma Jean Mortenson, beloved “Candle In The Wind,” died August 5, 1962 and is buried in Los Angeles, CA at Westwood Village Memorial Park. Hugh Hefner, 81, founded his famed “Playboy” empire by featuring photos of Marilyn in 1953, the first edition of the magazine.

“Hef” was so taken by Marilyn that following her death he purchased among the last remaining crypt sites in Westwood next to her for reportedly $85,000, stating that when his time was due, he wanted to be laid to rest next to his favorite “Sweetheart,” then the pet name for what we now know as “Playmates.” Some forty years later, Anna Nicole Smith, born Vickie Lynn Marshall, who, of course, joined the “Candle” this past February 8, shared notoriety with Marilyn as the Playboy Playmate in 1993.

Much has been speculated as to Anna Nicole’s wishes particularly with regard to her desired final resting place. Anna’s mother; Virgie Arthur and boyfriends Howard Stern and Larry Birkhead all commented and testified in court that Anna wanted to be buried in California next to Marilyn Monroe. Virgie added, “She wanted to be buried with the stars.” Howard said he researched the possibility of burial alongside Marilyn, but the cost was an issue. Howard agonizes over money in the most clever ways, doesn’t he?

Anyhow, regardless of court testimony, burying Anna next to Marilyn was never even a remote possibility because of no space, that is, unless Hugh Hefner were to yield his, or somebody move out.

Howard, let’s do lunch. I’d love to hear more about your “research” into this matter.

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“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm

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…the gravy train keeps growing. “Garden of Eternal Piece?”

Mark Steines of Entertainment Tonight prepares for video shoot at grave site of Anna Nicole Smith.

LAND OWNERS CHARGE MEDIA TO ENTER SMITH FUNERAL AREA

The owners of the land on which Anna Nicole Smith’s funeral will take place later this morning are charging the press up to $5,000 per camera to attend. Sandy Port Development owns the land on which the Mount Horeb Baptist Cathedral stands in Nassau, the Bahamas. Local and international press agencies have been told by Sandy Port Development’s Neale Jones they must pay $2,000 per still camera and $5,000 per live news camera to enter the area where the church is in order to cover Smith’s funeral service. Press will not be granted entry to the church area unless they sign a contract and complete the credit card information area to pay Sandy Port Development according to the Contact Music web site. After the service, Smith will be buried next to her son Daniel at the Lakeview Memorial Gardens and Mausoleums.

“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm

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