UN-BREAKING NEWS?

Are you following the story about the guy who had a sports drink, went to bed for the night and woke up with a “woody?” So, maybe no “big deal,” but somehow he managed to maintain the thing for two years, and now he’s suing the beverage manufacturer. I dunno, for me, there’s just some things which are tough enough to discuss with your kids or doctor, let alone going postal in public. Like, “Daddy, what’s a Dick for?” Answer: “Exactly!” Or; “Doc, what is Priapism?” Answer: “You’ll know if you have it.” And; “Well, what are the symptoms?” Answer: “You’ll know if you have it.” I reckon I’m the “fuddy-dud,” when confronted with “hard” issues, but am coming to “grasp” the whole thing in a worldly perspective.

IN NEW YORK – Christopher Woods (irony) charges he got too much of a “boost” — from an energy drink called Boost Plus. (more irony)

He is suing the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not go away, and caused him to be hospitalized. The lawsuit said Woods, 29, drank the nutrition beverage, which is made by the Novartis pharmaceutical company, on June 5, 2004. Woods’ court papers said he woke up the next morning “with an erection that would not subside,” and sought treatment for the condition. (mixed blessings) According to court documents, Woods had surgery to relieve the condition known as severe priapism. He was implanted with a Winter shunt, which moves blood from one area to another. The lawsuit, filed late Monday, said Woods had problems that required a hospital visit and medical procedures to close blood vessels on his penis. Woods’ lawsuit seeks unspecified damages. A spokeswoman for the drug company said the company did not comment on pending litigation. Novartis’ Boost Plus Web site describes the drink as “a great tasting, high calorie, nutritionally complete oral supplement for people who require extra energy and protein in a limited volume.” This is hardly false advertising, and if I were counsel for the defendant, I’d argue Caveat Emptor.

Your Question:

Dear Experts,

I know this is a stupid question, but what exactly is a boner? There are a lot of things my friends talk about, but I don’t know what they mean!!!!

Nikki

The Answer:

Dear Nikki,

A “boner” is a slang term that refers to a man’s erection. When boys and men become sexually excited — by sexual thoughts, wet dreams, or sex play with themselves or another person — their penises fill with blood and get hard and erect. Sometimes boys and young men get erections for no reason at all. These “spontaneous erections” can be embarrassing, but are perfectly normal. Hope this information helps! Take care,

teenwire.com® Editors

This fresco is painted in the entrance-way of a wealthy ancient Pompeian home. Yes, he does have an untouched-up huge “shlong.” Here is why this is culture rather than meriting a “Mature Content” sticker. Priapus, whence “Priapism” got its name, was an ancient, but minor, god of fertility for the Romans. His over-sized manhood represents abundance, fertility, and good fortune. This picture depicts his member being weighed in scales against bags of gold. The man who owned this house was displaying his piety, rather than potency, by saying something like; “look, we are rich, but this is nothing without being balanced by good fortune.” That takes the gold – probably introduced the notion of theft to the nefarious Neapolitans.

Contrary to what you might have thought, “Pay-to-Play” was not coined in Vegas.

If you have these in your garden, let ’em be. They are good for it. Hence; “Priapus” in the name. These snakes have a reputation for being feisty when cornered, and are quick to flee when threatened, which proves evolution is a myth, considering John Wayne Bobbitt.

I’m no Pliny “the Younger,” rich Pompeian, and cannot afford to decorate my home in their magnificence, so, I hope the neighbors appreciate my “pop-art” creation displaying “piety.”

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

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