Man Uses Pigs to Trash House

I like a good pig story, but lately, WTF, Animal House?

One of the first things you learn on a farm is hog-calling. Pigs are temperamental. Omit to call them, and they’ll starve rather than put on the nose-bag. Call them right, and they will follow you to the ends of the earth with their mouths watering. Get ’em upset with the bank and, well that’s another story…

Police in Clackamas County, Oregon are looking for a man they say locked three live pigs in his house in the hopes that they would redecorate with their renowned panache; “early sty.” It seems the man was a wee little bit upset the home went into foreclosure.

“TOGA, TOGA!”

Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office Police say the 33-year-old homeowner intentionally locked three pigs inside his home after it went into foreclosure. Detective Jim Strovink with the Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office said deputies are trying to find 33-year-old Shane Lovett.

Lovett bought a home on SE Wildcat Mountain Drive in Eagle Creek a few years ago, and in January the house went into foreclosure. Neighbors told police that Lovett was extremely distraught over the the situation. He apparently told several that he had put the pigs inside the house over a week ago, and even joked that they did not have beverages.

When deputies responded to complaints, they found the home had indeed been “pigged-out.” Tip: Even if they’re swine, when entertaining, avoid dis-grunts by always including the neighbors.

“FAT, DRUNK AND STUPID IS NO WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE, SON”

The three, not so little, pigs had rights of ingress and egress, but opted for quiet enjoyment of their imminent domain.

Thomas Getten, an animal rescue expert from nearby Estacada, OR, was called to try and rescue the pigs. He was able to coax them out of the house with some food, and it’s unclear whether he worked the room with canapes or cucumber sandwiches. Getten said the revelers were a bit dehydrated following the house party, but otherwise were doing fine, considering the inhospitable and absent host.

Anyone with information about Lovett was asked to call the Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office. The caterer is furious.

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