Rise in DUI Incidents a Mystery to Police

After a decline of alcohol-impaired driving throughout the first day or so in May, a new study shows that driving while intoxicated has increased significantly and traffic police are baffled. Drunk driving has always been a problem, but according to most Hollywood bartenders surveyed, “it almost appears men are asking for trouble.” For now, the incidences seem confined to Los Angeles County, CA. “It’s unreal, man. Doods are getting whacked even before happy hour, and can’t wait to get their rides,” according to a valet parking attendant at the House of Blues. “We can’t slide their cars out of the garage fast enough,” he added. Police speculate boredom, lowered self-esteem, sexual and financial or other legal problems may be contributing factors. “Ever since this Paris Hilton thing, male drivers act like they want to go to jail. But, we’re out there, and we will haul them off, whatever their deal is,” said an officer with the California Highway Patrol.

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Field insanity tests are mandatory in California.

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Police are trained to never argue with idiots, fearing shame by association.

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“Playing Games” with the law is often rewarded with a jail scene.

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LEGAL HELP IS AVAILABLE. FAQ WITH AN ATTORNEY, Esq, Llc, PA, PC, DDS:

I finally got arrested for a DUI in LA County, now what?

Once a person has been arrested for a DUI, the clock was still ticking. Without exception, we know the time of day.

I do not have a California License, should I care about the DMV
Notice of Suspension?

No, not as long as you have a Bahamian driver or have not been seen for the past, say, four years. You are free to mark the notice, “Return To Sender,” and call the DMV for a courier to collect. If you need assistance with the phone, you most likely do.

The officer did not read me my rights can you get the charges
to stick?

A person does have a fifth amendment right against self-incrimination, so make room in your glove box for our complimentary nail file or cigarette lighter with the “Miranda Rights” printed next to our golf pro’s number. Assuming you have not renewed your license and are driving uninsured, give the officer his choice of either as soon as you catch a glow of the problem.

I decided not to drink and then drove, doesn’t this mean I am
innocent of DUI?

Not always. The law states that the person must have been impaired by alcohol at or above the legal limit. State Statutes are silent as to indecision. We can present time-zone conversions to the Court.

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“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

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