SQUEEZE ME?

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead, none of which being nappy, were walking along the beach, open to the public without restriction. A seagull flies over and ‘Alec Baldwins’ all over the blonde.The brunette says in a disgusted voice, “Hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I’ll go get some toilet paper.” After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh.The redhead says, “What’s so funny?”The blonde says, “Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her. By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!” Old, tired – stupid.

Was Sheryl Crow serious about that toilet paper thing she stepped in at dinner with Karl Rove? So much for cocktail small talk. Who cares, just another dumb blonde joke. Sheryl is a blonde, right? You know this is not true, right? But, what’s next? Whatever. Some “ducks” are simply not to be taken seriously. Sheryl should understand we know the freedoms of our “anything goes” days are over, except when applied to toilet paper, one ply or two. Look, Mr. Whipple had a 24 year TV gig with Charmin and brought an entire generation out of the WC to publicly display our love, fetishes and overall appreciation of “I’m OK, You’re OK.” Hey, the guy was a gasser, the third most recognized man in America on the hind of Richard Nixon and Billy Graham, cultural icons all. I’m all for the green thing, and don’t much favor a hot planet, but a bad blind date coming out of the loo oblivious to half a roll stuck to her shoe is something I’m not ready to sacrifice, unless, what are you doing Friday, Sheryl? Remember, last November, all that free TP from Charmin in Times Square? Who wasn’t smiling? Happier days are where again?

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CHARMIN TIMES SQUARE NYC

And, doubtful Sheryl will ever have a VIP stall in Matosinhos’ favorite pit-stop; W’Duck, where the Bife do Lombo à W’Duck is not to be missed.

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Hair? Toilet Paper? Wigged-out Parents? Network Ratings? Pathetic. Thanks Sheryl, lol. Get a real cause célèbre, please!

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

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