Once again, an Iraqi immigrant has become the victim of racial profiling by authorities at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX)itive. Fidel Al-Miliki was stalled at the airport earlier today when it was discovered his carry-on luggage was not up to snuff. Al-Miliki unsuccessfully attempted to sway officials into believing the rock, wire and gum he was packing in his rectum were merely tokens used in the Iraqi version of the game we familiarly play as “Scissors, Paper, Stone.” Al-Miliki offered in his defense:
“To the beginner the choices are few, to the expert the choices are many.”
Famous words of Wojek Smallsoa, dominant game master, from “The Trio of Hands,” 1962.
In an attempt to avoid future blatant indiscretions toward Iraqis traveling domestically in the United States, the State Department has issued the following official rules of the game:
How to Play – Quick Start
What is amazing about Scissors, Paper, Stone is that for a game of such complexity the rules are actually very simple. The game obviously becomes more nuanced as you dive further into it, but if you want to get playing right away you only need know the following:
THE US SPS SOCIETY – OFFICIAL ABRIDGED RULES OF PLAY
1.0 The Game is played where the players substitute the three elements of Scissors. Paper and Stone with representative hand signals.
2.0 These hand signals are delivered simultaneously by the players.
3.0 The Outcome of play is determined by the following:
- Stone wins against Scissors,
- Scissors wins against Paper
- Paper wins against Stone
That’s it! You are now ready to play a few hands and get the fist of it. Once you are ready you can get into the deeper aspects of the game.
“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm
(1) SCISSORS (2) PAPER (3) STONE