16 May, 2007

Now that Howard K. Stern is the “exchequer” of the Anna Nicole Smith estate, I wonder who is going to take care of this bill? Of course, though, this is the same law firm that handled the Horizons deal in the first place. I imagine they will be counter-sued big time:

Bahamas law firm sues Anna Nicole Smith

NASSAU, Bahamas (Reuters): A Bahamas law firm says it is suing former Playboy Playmate and oil heiress Anna Nicole Smith for unpaid legal fees of $113,000.

Former Playboy playmate Anna
Nicole Smith. AFP FILE PHOTO

Callenders, based in Nassau, secured an injunction from the Bahamas Supreme Court forbidding Smith to reduce the balance in her local bank accounts below $125,000.

Attorney Tracy Ferguson said Smith had repeatedly failed to pay fees due her company.

“We are determined to pursue this. We will be paid. Ms. Smith now needs to respond to this and stop being evasive,” the Nassau Tribune newspaper quoted Ferguson as saying on Friday.

An attorney for Smith could not be reached for comment.

Smith hired Callenders in September to handle affairs surrounding her 20-year-old son Daniel, who died at his mother’s hospital bedside three days after she gave birth to daughter Dannie Lynn Hope.

The firm later withdrew its services, but only after several weeks of work.

This week, the firm filed a lawsuit seeking to enforce the injunction to recoup fees, interest and costs.

In an affidavit, Ferguson said she believed Smith had the funds to pay “but that she has a total aversion to paying her bills and that she will seek to avoid paying the fees by any means that occur to her, including by sending her money within this jurisdiction abroad.”


But, what exactly is, “It?” The Bahamian Ministry of Tourism coined that wallet draining phrase sometime in the 1970’s to conjure visions of surf, sun and sex. Well, sure, but you can get that anywhere. To me, the “It” is Howard K. Stern, and “It” is truly better in the Bahamas. Consider, here’s a guy whose parents funded an education for a seat wasted in law school deserved by anyone motivated beyond butt-warming the bench. I mean, come on, the dood doesn’t work, has “represented” only one “client,” and save for his current entertainment-noir value, his contribution is as meaningful as that “germ-ed” penny we all step over on the grocery store floor. Sociopaths with an itinerary like Howard’s see plenty of surf, sun and sex at exotic enclaves like Ryker’s Island, unfortunately, at our expense. In the United States, it costs close to $30,000 annually on average to house a con Howard’s age, and that number grows to $70,000 over age 60. If not in jail, where else would he land? He doesn’t own a home, work is not going to happen, and the free rent money is dead, so, where – homeless? The social cost of caring for the indigent in the United States is not far behind jail, but if necessary, I’ll pick up and spend that extra bad penny to keep his mug off the streets. So, I couldn’t agree more, y’all keep Howard; “‘It’s,’ Better In The Bahamas.”

“It” knows The Bahamas are better too. Talk about a sack of sugar deal – high rollers don’t get it this good at the Bellagio. Rent-free, all expenses paid, surf, sun and sex (the latter debatable, of course). According to Bahamian Law with regard to “Squatters,” Howard may (emphasis on may) wind up suffering a two week notice to leave “Horizons,” and a $50 dollar fine:

Squatters and Trespassing

159. (1) When on the hearing of any complaint against any person
for having, without probable claim or pretence of title, entered upon or taken possession of any premises in The Bahamas, it shall
appear to the magistrate that the defendant has entered upon or takenpossession of the premises without any probable claim or
pretence of title, the magistrate may make an order directing him to deliver up to the person named in such order, peaceable possession
of such premises together with all crops growing thereon, and to remove any animal or movable property which the defendant may have
placed or have thereon; and in case the defendant shall not, within fourteen days after service thereof, comply with the terms of such
order, the magistrate may sentence him to be imprisoned for a term of fourteen days; and the magistrate may make a further order for
the immediate delivery over of the possession of such premises to theperson named in the order and for the removal of any animal or
movable property which the defendant may have placed or have thereon.


160. Whoever-


is found upon any premises without being able to give a lawful excuse for being there;


enters upon the premises of any other person against the will and permission of the owner
or occupier of such premises;


unlawfully enters and remains on any such premises after having been required to
depart therefrom;


having lawfully entered upon any such premises, misconducts himself by behaving in an insulting, annoying or threatening manner;


being on any such premises remains thereon after having been lawfully required to depart therefrom, or returns thereto after being removed therefrom shall on the complaint of the owner or occupier of such pre-

mises, be liable to a fine of fifty dollars.

Gotta know Mr. G. Ben Thompson, whom I’m betting really does own Horizons, does not agree “It’s’ Better In The Bahamas.” But all hope is not lost. Being an animal lover, I’m not an advocate of this, but were I G. Ben, I’d be thinking about bringing a cow over from Myrtle Beach, roping it up in the front yard, and getting some “spring breakers” involved in a “drive-by cow tipping.” The money is better; a $500 fine, and Howard could be relocated to the big pink house for six months, where there is surf, sun, and (sex is not debated).

Injuries to Animals, etc.

165. Whoever intentionally and unlawfully kills,
maims or wounds any cattle, the value of the animal killed, maimed or wounded not exceeding one hundred dollars
or causes any damage not exceeding five hundred dollars to any cattle, shall be liable to a fine of five hundred
dollars or to imprisonment for six months.

“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm

“HORIZONS” on Eastern Road, Nassau, Bahamas, and “It,” The Squatter