Gay Old Pedophiles

Official Republican Party Ornament

The symbol of the Republican Party is the elephant. In the spring of 1874, the New York Herald printed an editorial raising the cry of Caesarism against President Ulysses S. Grant. The Herald falsely believed that Grant would attempt to run for an unprecedented third term in 1876.

Herald editorial writers apparently felt this would have overthrown the unwritten rule that presidents served only two terms, making Grant a dictator. Despite its falseness and rumors that the Herald had printed the editorial only to gain publicity, the idea was used by Democrats that year to scare Republican voters away from the party in Congressional elections.

About the same time, the New York Herald concocted another scheme to increase its circulation. The paper printed a fabricated story that wild animals had escaped from the Central Park Zoo and were roaming the city looking for prey.

Seeing an opportunity to use both the Caesarism charge and the animal scare, cartoonist Thomas Nast produced a cartoon which appeared in Harper’s Weekly on November 7, 1874. Nast drew a donkey (the symbol of the Democratic Party for which Nast was also responsible) clothed in a lion’s skin, scaring away the other animals in the park.

Among the animals in the cartoon is an elephant, labeled “The Republican Vote.” Nast chose the elephant because it was believed that elephants were clever, steadfast, and easily controlled, but unmanageable when frightened.

This year, OuteasY and Anemi are pleased to present for consideration to The Official Republican National Committee our Senator Larry Craig commemorative ornament, sure to provide a festive reminder of all Gay Old Pedophiles. You can display your Republican sentiments on a desktop, mantle, holiday decoration, or get the Pine-Sol scented unit, and hang from the mirror in your car.

It’s always right around the corner ya know, heY!

“TRUST ME, TRUST NO ONE - EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING”

 

I CAN DIG IT, heY!

wOw! Thanks so much Ian and guys, this is amazing, heY! Smack landed in my permanent favorites!

~ X anemi

GRAZIN’ IN THE GRASS ~ THE MONITORS

Anemi - This is the title track of our album by The Monitors, released in 1990. This song is one of my own personal favourite songs of all time, and I cut it twice, first on The Monitors, and later on Paul Young. It originally came out as a jazz instrumental by Hugh Masekela, and then the utterly timeless fabulous vocal version by The Friends Of Distinction, on RCA, a soul record that’s also synonymous with the whole late 1960s flower power movement. I just had to cut it on The Monitors. To my mind, it seemed the perfect song to showcase the amazing harmony abilities of this wonderful Motown group. The original line up of the Monitors at Motown consisted of Richard Street as lead singer, with Warren Harris, Maurice Fagin, Sandra Fagin, and Hershel Hunter. When we got them reformed for Motorcity, Richard Street was with The Temptations, and Sandra Fagin had passed away, but we succeeded in getting the other three back together. They brought in Smokey Robinson’s nephew, Darryl Littlejohn, as lead singer and added a girl singer called Cathy, who was a Detroit policewoman. One of my treasured memories was getting Wanda Rogers of The Marvelettes back to performing live, at the Pontchartrain concert in Detroit, with the Monitors backing her up, all dressed in sharp white tuxedos. Warren Harris, who has now passed away, was the comedian of the Motorcity Project, and had us all in stitches constantly… “Heyyyyyyyyyy - Come into my office” Treasured memories of a wonderful vocal group with the best harmonies ever, as they show on this breathtaking classic.

~ Ian Levine, Motorcity

GRAZIN’ IN THE GRASS ~ LYRICS

It sure is mellow grazin’ in the grass
(Grazin’ in the grass is a gas, baby, can you dig it)
What a trip just watchin’ as the world goes past
(Grazin’ in the grass is a gas, baby, can you dig it)
There are so many good things to see
While grazin’ in the grass
(Grazin’ in the grass is a gas, baby, can you dig it)
Flowers with colours for takin’
Everything outta sight in the grass
(Grazin’ in the grass is a gas, baby, can you dig it)
The sun beaming down between the leaves
(Grazin’ in the grass is a gas, baby, can you dig it)
And the bir-ir-ir-irds dartin’ in and out of the trees
(Grazin’ in the grass is a gas, baby, can you dig it)

Everything here is so clear, you can see it
And everything here is so real, you can feel it
And it’s real, so real, so real, so real, so real, so real
Can you dig it
Whooo-oooh

I can dig it, he can dig it
She can dig it, we can dig it
They can dig it, you can dig it
Oh, let’s dig it
Can you dig it, baby
I can dig it, he can dig it
She can dig it, we can dig it
They can dig it, you can dig it
Oh, let’s dig it
Can you dig it, baby

The sun beaming down between the leaves
(Grazin’ in the grass is a gas, baby, can you dig it)
And the bir-ir-ir-irds dartin’ in and out of the trees
(Grazin’ in the grass is a gas, baby, can you dig it)
Everything here is so clear, you can see it
And everything here is so real, you can feel it
And it’s real, so real, so real, so real, so real, so real
Can you dig it
Whooo-oooh, yeah
I can dig it, he can dig it
She can dig it, we can dig it
They can dig it, you can dig it
Oh, let’s dig it
Can you dig it, baby
I can dig it, he can dig it
She can dig it, we can dig it
They can dig it, you can dig it
Oh, let’s dig it
Can you dig it, baby

I can dig it, he can dig it
She can dig it, we can dig it
They can dig it, you can dig it
Oh, let’s dig it
Can you dig it, baby

I can dig it, he can dig it
(Grazin’ in the grass is a gas, baby, can you dig it)
She can dig it, we can dig it
They can dig it, you can dig it
(Grazin’ in the grass is a gas, baby, can you dig it)
Oh, let’s dig it….

 

RUSSIAN ROULETTE

WHAT’S ON TAP?

A shocking 43% of deaths in working-age Russian men result from drinking alcohol not meant for human consumption, such as cologne and cleaning agents, according to a new study.

The findings help explain why Russian men have the lowest life expectancy among industrialised nations, at just 59 years, say the researchers.

David Leon at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, UK, and colleagues travelled to western Russia, where they interviewed the housemates and family members of 1750 men, aged 25-54, who died in the industrial city of Izhevsk.

They also interviewed 1750 similarly aged men in the same city. The aim was to find out how much both groups of men drank, and what types of alcohol they consumed.

Extreme binges

Leon’s group classified men as having a “hazardous pattern of drinking” if they had a hangover more than twice a week, engaged in a bout of extreme binge drinking known as zapoї – resulting in drunkenness that lasts at least two days – or if they consumed non-beverage alcohols, such as eau de cologne at least once a year.

Many Russian men who fall on hard times start drinking non-beverage alcohols because they are cheaper and have a high alcohol content, Leon says.

For example, a 100 millilitre bottle of 190-proof eau de cologne might cost about 15 rubles, roughly equivalent to 29 pence ($0.60). By comparison, the smallest volume bottle of 80-proof vodka on sale is 0.75 litres, and costs about 70 rubles, about £1.40 ($2.70).

The consumption of non-beverage alcohol products is widespread, the researchers say. Even 8% of the men in the control group drank them, they found.

Economic hardship

An analysis of the Izhevsk survey suggests that Russian men who drink non-beverage alcohol have a five-times greater risk of alcohol-related death (such as liver cirrhosis and alcohol poisoning) than those who do not consume these products.

Moreover, men who drank only non-beverage alcohols had up to a 20-times greater risk of death. And the researchers think these numbers represent underestimates, since the study did not include men who lived alone or on the streets.

Non-beverage alcohols are particularly dangerous because of their high-alcohol concentration, which can strip the airways that deliver oxygen to the lungs, Leon explains.

Economic hardship following the dissolution of the Soviet Union has contributed to problem drinking in Russia, says David Cutler at Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts, US, who has studied the impact of alcoholism in the country.

“For a lot of people in Russia the bottom just fell out,” he says. “And they don’t have a social safety net.”

Alcohol is linked to 72% of murders and 42% of suicides in Russia, according to 2005 figures.

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

 

SOME BONER

UN-BREAKING NEWS?

Are you following the story about the guy who had a sports drink, went to bed for the night and woke up with a “woody?” So, maybe no “big deal,” but somehow he managed to maintain the thing for two years, and now he’s suing the beverage manufacturer. I dunno, for me, there’s just some things which are tough enough to discuss with your kids or doctor, let alone going postal in public. Like, “Daddy, what’s a Dick for?” Answer: “Exactly!” Or; “Doc, what is Priapism?” Answer: “You’ll know if you have it.” And; “Well, what are the symptoms?” Answer: “You’ll know if you have it.” I reckon I’m the “fuddy-dud,” when confronted with “hard” issues, but am coming to “grasp” the whole thing in a worldly perspective.

IN NEW YORK - Christopher Woods (irony) charges he got too much of a “boost” — from an energy drink called Boost Plus. (more irony)

He is suing the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not go away, and caused him to be hospitalized. The lawsuit said Woods, 29, drank the nutrition beverage, which is made by the Novartis pharmaceutical company, on June 5, 2004. Woods’ court papers said he woke up the next morning “with an erection that would not subside,” and sought treatment for the condition. (mixed blessings) According to court documents, Woods had surgery to relieve the condition known as severe priapism. He was implanted with a Winter shunt, which moves blood from one area to another. The lawsuit, filed late Monday, said Woods had problems that required a hospital visit and medical procedures to close blood vessels on his penis. Woods’ lawsuit seeks unspecified damages. A spokeswoman for the drug company said the company did not comment on pending litigation. Novartis’ Boost Plus Web site describes the drink as “a great tasting, high calorie, nutritionally complete oral supplement for people who require extra energy and protein in a limited volume.” This is hardly false advertising, and if I were counsel for the defendant, I’d argue Caveat Emptor.

Your Question:

Dear Experts,

I know this is a stupid question, but what exactly is a boner? There are a lot of things my friends talk about, but I don’t know what they mean!!!!

Nikki

The Answer:

Dear Nikki,

A “boner” is a slang term that refers to a man’s erection. When boys and men become sexually excited — by sexual thoughts, wet dreams, or sex play with themselves or another person — their penises fill with blood and get hard and erect. Sometimes boys and young men get erections for no reason at all. These “spontaneous erections” can be embarrassing, but are perfectly normal. Hope this information helps! Take care,

teenwire.com^® Editors

This fresco is painted in the entrance-way of a wealthy ancient Pompeian home. Yes, he does have an untouched-up huge “shlong.” Here is why this is culture rather than meriting a “Mature Content” sticker. Priapus, whence “Priapism” got its name, was an ancient, but minor, god of fertility for the Romans. His over-sized manhood represents abundance, fertility, and good fortune. This picture depicts his member being weighed in scales against bags of gold. The man who owned this house was displaying his piety, rather than potency, by saying something like; “look, we are rich, but this is nothing without being balanced by good fortune.” That takes the gold - probably introduced the notion of theft to the nefarious Neapolitans.

Contrary to what you might have thought, “Pay-to-Play” was not coined in Vegas.

If you have these in your garden, let ‘em be. They are good for it. Hence; “Priapus” in the name. These snakes have a reputation for being feisty when cornered, and are quick to flee when threatened, which proves evolution is a myth, considering John Wayne Bobbitt.

I’m no Pliny “the Younger,” rich Pompeian, and cannot afford to decorate my home in their magnificence, so, I hope the neighbors appreciate my “pop-art” creation displaying “piety.”

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

 

INSTANT KARMA

AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL

Here’s some cool stuff to do. For you MySpacers, go to the Instant Karma space and add yourself. While you’re there, make friends and listen to music with some of the best artists in the world. Then, starting tomorrow, June 6 at 8:30 AM EST, check out the Amnesty International satellite keeping photographic tabs on Darfur. Pass the word. These people need the help!

“Amnesty International USA’s unprecedented Eyes on Darfur project leverages the power of high-resolution satellite imagery to provide unimpeachable evidence of the atrocities being committed in Darfur – enabling action by private citizens, policy makers and international courts. Eyes on Darfur also breaks new ground in protecting human rights by allowing people around the world to literally “watch over” and protect twelve intact, but highly vulnerable, villages using commercially available satellite imagery. “

~ AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

 

HAVE NO BANANAS

“OPEN WIDER, PLEASE…”

If all of this is true, I have a new outlook about flossing and keeping dental appointments. One of China’s “players” behind the growing world food scare is Zheng Xiaoyu, former head of the State Food and Drug Administration. Xiaoyu was indicted in China in 2005 on charges of taking bribes from the very industries he was charged with regulating, and news service Al Jazeera is reporting he was sentenced to death last week for his role. Talk about decay!

Pet food, catfish, toothpaste, and now the word on the streets of China’s cities is that bananas from the southern island of Hainan can cause Sars. Remember when you used to look for tarantulas in the grocery bag? Oh yeah, and add “Magician” brand instant noodles that will poison you because they use oil extracted from human corpses provided by funeral homes.

China is in the grip of a food safety scare, and although it has generated a number of bizarre rumours circulating in frantic text messages, the issue poses a serious potential threat to international trade.

Late last year, Hong Kong government chemists detected in salted duck eggs the Sudan II industrial dye, which was fed to the birds to make the yolk in their eggs extraordinarily red, a color Chinese consumers see as a sign of high quality.

The Chinese government has pledged to get to the bottom of the scandal - and introducing standardised practices when it comes to food safety has become a major issue.

In Beijing, the city authorities have also announced plans to better monitor food products entering the capital after several food safety scandals emerged. Such is the mood there that some people are now saying that bad food, rather than lobbying about controversial issues such as Tibet, could be the main risk to the Olympic Games in the city next year - a very big deal for a society enjoying the tidings of capitalism, not without it’s share of “dirty pool.”

Billions of pounds worth of counterfeit and substandard goods, from snack bars to fake liquor and medicines, to face creams, are produced every year in China.

Counterfeiting often extends to branded foods and you have to read the labels carefully in shops to make sure that you are getting the right food. Alcoholic drinks are particularly prone to copying and it is important to check to see if your beer or your breakfast cereal is the real thing.

China revealed in 2004, in one of its most highly publicized health scandals, that 13 babies had died from malnutrition in the eastern province of Anhui after being fed fake baby milk powder. But the problem is going global, spreading way beyond China’s borders.

Chinese-made food products which are exported are being examined for toxins after safety breaches involving poisons in dog food and toothpaste, following reports of tainted products arriving in the Dominican Republic and Panama.

The Dominican Republic authorities said they had removed 10,000 tubes of the Chinese toothpaste brands Excel and Mr Cool from shelves after learning they contained diethylene glycol, a chemical used in antifreeze and brake fluid.

During talks this week between Washington and Beijing, the United States said food quality from China was a “top concern” and called on Beijing to improve food safety standards. The Americans want China to make food regulation more transparent, and to allow their audit teams to travel to China to examine the food factories and farms.

The Chinese government has launched investigations into the use of melamine - a non-food-related, industrial additive that found its way into the food chain and caused at least 16 pets to die in the US - and the companies exporting toothpaste containing the lethal chemical.

Meanwhile, the company which makes instant noodles under the “Magician” brand has had to take out newspaper advertisements to publicise the findings of scientific research showing that their products were not made from human body oils.

The manufacturers believe their competitors started the rumour, but everyone is suffering as sales of instant noodles, which are to Chinese cuisine what fish and chips are to British food, are dropping sharply.

A mass outbreak of food poisoning could be extremely damaging for the image of the Olympic Games, which begin in August next year. One scenario being thought through is if a team of top athletes came down with Beijing Belly just before a race.

To avoid that nightmare, the city is planning to increase rewards for uncovering unlawful production methods from 10,000 yuan (£660) to 50,000 yuan, the Beijing News reported.

Wang Weicheng, a Beijing city official, said that the city would “set up a supervision system to analyze food additives, and intensify management of the approval system and record-keeping of food additive enterprises”. A system to trace food and food products to their origins would also be put in place and it would also strictly monitor the use of fertilizer and pesticides.

“Goods from companies that don’t meet production standards will be firmly kept out of the market,” the media report said.

The Sars banana rumour is possibly the most bizarre element to the food-safety scare, as there had never been a case of humans contracting viruses from plants, the Agriculture Ministry said. “It is purely a rumour and it is impossible for bananas to contain Sars-like viruses,” it added. “The spreaders of the false information either have inadequate relevant scientific knowledge or have ulterior motives.”

BEYOND BRAIN TUMORS AND CELL PHONES…

Information about the current scandal over Chinese food safety standards has largely been facilitated by new technologies, as consumers use text messages on their mobile phones and blog entries to communicate their concerns and advice.

In the US, pet-owners ran blogs which highlighted and commented on various media reports, official statements and gossip.

David Goldstein’s blog HorsesAss.org exposed the fact that melamine-laced pet food was recycled as feed for domestic pork.

Bloggers dug up and posted documents, such as the Food and Drug Administration’s letter advising that pregnant investigators not examine human foods that the FDA has said repeatedly are safe.

Mr Goldstein reported how tests conducted at a US FDA laboratory on behalf of the Arkansas Department of Health and Human Services had detected melamine in at least one sample of imported Chinese catfish.

And while officials are downplaying the health hazard, this latest finding suggests that the human food supply is much more widely contaminated than previously acknowledged.

In China, blogs played a big role but in many cases it was SMS text messages on mobile phones which got the headlines out about food safety issues. This was particularly true in two of the biggest examples of food safety hysteria in recent days, namely that bananas from the southern Chinese island of Hainan can cause SARS. Or that Magician brand instant noodles cause poisoning because they use oil extracted from human corpses provided by funeral homes.

Mobile phone penetration is extremely high, while China has more than 137 million Internet users and more than 20 million of them are bloggers.

The government has been struggling to find a way to control their output without completely choking the positive uses of the Internet on areas such as trade.

“ANCIENT” CHINESE IRONY…

On January 4, 1979, the first post-Cultural Revolution newspaper advertisement in China appeared in the Tianjin Daily for - toothpaste. The brand advertised is Lantian or “Blue Sky,” which is still produced in Tianjin, China by the Lantian Group and is among those reported to avoid. Of course, China has tight reigns on print media, but good luck with the Internet. There’s no stopping the Tooth Fairy.

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

 

DOGGONE

IN THE; “ARE YOU SMOKIN’ CRACK” DEPARTMENT…

We don’t really know much about this Andrew Speaker, the dood who flew all over the planet a week or so ago, spreading fear and pestilence. “Tuberculosis Andy.” We do know, however, he is a member of the popular Internet social hooking site “Meet Up;” Subversive Sub-Chapter: ATLANTA GREAT DANES.

One of the busy-body members shot this email to the group today:

Hi All-

Someone was smoking at the Brook Run Meetup today. I just wanted to make everyone aware that there is a no smoking policy at this dog park (and at Sweat Mountain and Waggy World too). The only dog park where smoking is allowed is Piedmont.

Please be considerate of others, both dogs and people, for whom second hand smoke, even in a park setting, is a health hazard.

If anyone wants to review the policies at these parks, here are the links:

Brook Run Park Dunwoody http://www.jawitp.com/

Sweat Mountain Park Marietta http://prca.cobbcountyga.gov/DogPark.htm

Waggy World Alpharetta http://alpharetta.ga.us/index.php?p=331

Thank you.
Janet

My dog, “Baezkid,” is a Great Dane “wannabe,” (I’ve got the AKA papers) and applied for membership to the Atlanta Society, but so far, has been snubbed. I try to make it up to him by us walking behind the group, but lately, he’s just listless.

Oh well, I’m tired too. No “Sweat.” Maybe I’ll just sit for a smoke and read up on the “Waggy-World” rules here.

Janet, You Rock ~ Go “Gurl Frend”

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

 

TUBERCULOSIS ANDY

WHERE IN THE WORLD WASN’T ANDREW SPEAKER?

FOR A LARGER MAP, CLICK HERE

Son of a “B___!” Talk about a made for TV conspiracy movie, or an intriguing marketing idea to quickly build up business for a law firm, I give you Andrew Speaker; the “Typhoid Mary” of 2007. Your mind could go wild with this one, but it really doesn’t have to. Here’s the set-up:

A handsome, well-to-do and gregarious young couple gets married stateside jetting bon voyage by the well-wishers attending their reception, off to enjoy a storybook honeymoon in the Greek Isles. The day had finally come, following one postponement after another. Typical of “on-the-rise” young professionals, finding time for the wedding had been tough, especially for the groom, a star law school graduate on the cusp of developing an equally stellar professional practice alongside his father. Putting the wedding on hold again was out of the question - but Andrew had a secret. The viral young lawyer was carrying a particularly virulent strain of Tuberculosis, or TB. Not fearing the worst, thanks to encouragement by his doctor, he can’t let this get in the way. Heck, he feels great, being in the best shape of his life, and a little TB wasn’t even interfering with his daily jogs. After all, one-third of the world carries the TB bacteria without problems, and is walking around doing just fine. Right? No, the wedding was definitely a “go.”

Andrew Speaker giving the winning opening argument for the University of Georgia law team at the ABA National Criminal Justice Trial Advocacy Competition in 2003.

Now, our story and the “secret” gets complicated. A classic,“What did you know, and when did you know it?” You see, Andrew’s “little case” of TB carries a bad prognosis; likely death, as it is a multi-drug resistant strain, and there are no known effective vaccines for the world’s adult population.

This is the point where your questioning mind and imagination have a head-on collision with the facts. Terrorists? Spies? Brain-washed doctors and border guards? Hollywood, book deals, or big pay-offs? Who knows, but for now maybe the answer lies in a combination of stupidity, selfishness and really bad communication. Some consolation, as either way, exploring questions leads to one serious answer; dead is dead. Not a lot of thrill in this potential ending.

Our patient was identified today as Andrew Speaker, a 31-year-old personal injury lawyer who returned last week from his wedding and honeymoon trip through Italy, the Greek isles and other spots in Europe. His new father-in-law, Robert C. Cooksey, is a long-time CDC microbiologist whose specialty is TB and other bacteria. Huh? Is that your jaw on the floor? A personal injury lawyer running around the world with a highly communicable disease? Don’t those guys kinda specialize in cases involving reckless endangerment? And, whoa, the father-in-law is, what?

Now you question, outside of the sanity of Andrew Speaker and Robert Cooksey, where were the doctors, the CDC, Homeland Security, the WHO, the CIA, FBI, airline security, and whoever else is supposed to be protecting us from this type of pandemic? TB, regardless of the strains severity, doesn’t just sort of come on like a stress headache. At least Andrew and his doctor were long well aware he had TB, and there was time to react. Although only discovered today, and poorly constructed as events are still falling into place, consider Andrew’s travel schedule, as we think we know:

He flew to Paris on May 12 aboard Air France Flight 385, also listed as Delta Air Lines codeshare Flight 8517. He and his bride then took four more flights within Europe, flying from Paris to Athens on May 14; from Athens to Thira Island on May 16; from Mykonos Island to Athens on May 21; and from Athens to Rome also on May 21. On May 24, Andrew flew from Rome to Prague on Czech Air Flight 0727. From Prague, the couple left for Montreal that day aboard Czech Air Flight 0104. From Montreal, they grabbed a rental car and headed across the border back into the United States. Notwithstanding the frequent-flier miles he racked-up (hope he lives to use them), imagine how many people were in contact, then changing planes and contacting others throughout the world.

Somebody has got a lot of explaining to do, to say the least. But you were warned. Well, sort of. Missed it? I did too, but I’m talking about the ABC TV movie; “Fatal Contact: Bird Flu In America.” The movie follows an outbreak of the H5N1 avian flu virus from its origins in a Hong Kong market through its mutation into a pandemic virus that becomes easily transmittable from human to human and spreads rapidly around the world. Interesting plot. Apparently, ABC must have done its homework well, as the United States Government dedicated web pages to it via PandemicFlu.Gov and AvianFlu.Gov, stating:

“The Department of Health and Human Services prepared a Viewer’s Guide and some anticipated Questions and Answers to provide factual information for viewers of the movie.” Of interesting note, in addition to English, translations of the content are available in Spanish, Chinese and Tieng Viet. This to me, alone, is spooky. While fingers start pointing and we pray for Andrew Speaker’s health over the next who knows how long, take a minute to read the site’s information. You will learn what to do, where to go, and even what groceries to stock-up on when a pandemic strikes. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to print a copy to put with your other emergency stuff. The link is HERE.

Phillipines Tuberculosis Animated Short

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

 

Chewing On Corgi

MARK McGOWAN IS AT IT AGAIN!

A performance artist has eaten a corgi on live radio in protest at Prince Philip’s alleged torture and killing of a fox during a royal hunt. Mark McGowan, 37, said the cooked canine - the Queen’s favourite breed of dog - tasted “really, really, really disgusting.” The corgi, which died at a breeding farm, was minced with apple and onion. What Yum! The artist chowed yesterday on the popular Bob and Roberta Smith radio broadcast on London-based station 104.4 Resonance FM. Yoko Ono, wife of the late John Lennon, also a guest on the show, sampled the fare. No word on her take. Before the broadcast, the vegetarian and animal rights activist explained his motives for the protest.

McGowan said: “I know some people will find this offensive and tasteless.” But I am doing this to raise awareness about the RSPCA’s inability to prosecute Prince Philip and his friends shooting a fox earlier this year, letting it struggle for life for five minutes and then beating it to death with a stick.”

The radio show’s presenter, Bob Smith, said: “I’m not convinced it’s corgi.”

But Mr McGowan insisted that he trusted the the two ladies who cooked the dog.

He said: “It’s stinky, it’s white-looking, it’s not like any meat I’ve ever seen.”

The RSPCA said in a statement it had investigated the alleged incident involving Philip at the Queen’s Sandringham estate in January and “found no evidence that an offence of causing unnecessary suffering had taken place.”

McGowan said after the show that his protest had been “very provocative, intentionally.”

“To me it was, as an art piece, exhilarating,” he added.

Poorva Joshipura, director of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals’ (PETA) European arm, said: “Most of the British public will agree that it is high time the royals joined the rest of us who live in the 21st century and are opposed to cruelty to animals.”

The Royal Famiy are members of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA), and of course, Queen Elizabeth has had corgis forever. At last count, I believe she has four, who are free to do as they please, often seen wandering amongst guests and dignitaries at various royal happenings.

Mark McGowan is no stranger with this type of stunt, and has staged many around the world. Do not be surprised if he is sighted in Caracas, VZ soon - he protested government control of media in Milan, Italy by dragging a TV tied to his foot for miles. Take a look at more of Mark:

Gotta get Mark over for cocktails one of these days! Sometimes it’s good to be a nut!

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

 

Heard Around The Sty

Man Uses Pigs to Trash House

I like a good pig story, but lately, WTF, Animal House?

One of the first things you learn on a farm is hog-calling. Pigs are temperamental. Omit to call them, and they’ll starve rather than put on the nose-bag. Call them right, and they will follow you to the ends of the earth with their mouths watering. Get ‘em upset with the bank and, well that’s another story…

Police in Clackamas County, Oregon are looking for a man they say locked three live pigs in his house in the hopes that they would redecorate with their renowned panache; “early sty.” It seems the man was a wee little bit upset the home went into foreclosure.

“TOGA, TOGA!”

Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office Police say the 33-year-old homeowner intentionally locked three pigs inside his home after it went into foreclosure. Detective Jim Strovink with the Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office said deputies are trying to find 33-year-old Shane Lovett.

Lovett bought a home on SE Wildcat Mountain Drive in Eagle Creek a few years ago, and in January the house went into foreclosure. Neighbors told police that Lovett was extremely distraught over the the situation. He apparently told several that he had put the pigs inside the house over a week ago, and even joked that they did not have beverages.

When deputies responded to complaints, they found the home had indeed been “pigged-out.” Tip: Even if they’re swine, when entertaining, avoid dis-grunts by always including the neighbors.

“FAT, DRUNK AND STUPID IS NO WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE, SON”

The three, not so little, pigs had rights of ingress and egress, but opted for quiet enjoyment of their imminent domain.

Thomas Getten, an animal rescue expert from nearby Estacada, OR, was called to try and rescue the pigs. He was able to coax them out of the house with some food, and it’s unclear whether he worked the room with canapes or cucumber sandwiches. Getten said the revelers were a bit dehydrated following the house party, but otherwise were doing fine, considering the inhospitable and absent host.

Anyone with information about Lovett was asked to call the Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office. The caterer is furious.

 

DO NOT BEND

W T F!!! ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION MYSTERY SOLVED!

“Gravity can be the wait of the world for many men, often not discussed because of the sensitive nature of the tissue.”

Bearing the burden of a heavy proof, erectile dysfunction (ED) is nothing more than a classical mechanical engineering problem, says a US urologist. Thanks to mathematical models of penile geometry and hydrostatic pressure, doctors can predict when penises will fail, so says the Doc, Daniel Udelson, a research urologist and professor of aerospace engineering at Boston University.

Because I slept through physics, I was reminded, the most widely investigated parameter of penile rigidity (a boner) is Intracavernosal Pressure (a pre-boner, or ICP) – the fluid pressure achieved by blood build-up (a rush) in the two expandable “caverns” of the penis. For a healthy man, the erect ICP is between 60 and 90 millimeters, but can drop to just 30 millimeters in men with erectile dysfunction (ED, or; no boner).

That penis “bucklometer” thing up there in the picture proves it, and I’m betting you’re going to see this handy item in the just before Christmas issue of the Sharper Image Catalog. I mean, Richard Thalheimer owes me royal dutch for that suck-ass “Ionic Breeze” I got last year, which just “sits there,” doing little more than circulating hot air, not unlike its nameless giver.

Lest you have slept for the past ten years, anti-impotence drugs, such as Viagra, work by relaxing arterial muscles and allowing more blood, and hence more pressure, to build up in the penis. (I have no problem in discussing sensitive tissues with you, my friends and rabid readers. I share your pain, and offer a science backed bedroom excuse; “Damn ICP, I told you not to bend!)

But Dr. Udelson, needed more, and began thinking about penis geometry - specifically the ratio of width to length (aka a right angle) and how this ought to play a significant role in the robustness of an erection against the force of sexual intercourse (e.g; a not so robust sexual recipient).

RESEARCH LINKED TO 300 YEAR OLD POLE POSITIONER

So, what Dr. Udelson did (hide the children), was develop a model that would predict the buckling force, based on penis length, circumference and the ease of expandability over a range of ICPs. This weird science is a direct adaptation of building column buckling research by the Swiss mathematician Leonhard Euler, whose 300th birthday was this past April 15. (Three ironies of note: 1. April 15 is indeed a back “buckling” day for many. 2. Euler is pronounced, “oiler.” 3. “Leonhard” is a name derivative of “hard lion). Sorry for the cognitive interuptus, all in the name of science, you know.

Udelson tested the model against 57 men with erectile dysfunction. Each was measured by slowly (thankfully) injecting their penises with saline solution until erect. (What fun!) Udelson then applied a force to the tip of each penis until they started to bend, the first sign of buckling. (”Breaker-breaker, good buddy!” Again, sorry, but note; 1. Finding ED sufferers is easy, just a walk in the park, and why the “sample” was expanded to 57 is because, “variety is the spice of life,” I recall. 2. I was busy, and did not contact Dr. U to find out percentages and performances amongst cut and uncut species 3. Like you, I was mildly curious if money changed hands here, but there are polite limits to questioning allowed, lest you appear a “jerk” in this august scholastic circle).

Now, witnesses attested the model correctly predicted the buckling forces for 80% of the enduring patients. Force applied ranged from about 2 kilograms to just 0.3 kg, given a pressure of 50 millimeters. Doctor U also rightly postulated the buckling force during intercourse doesn’t just rely a man’s blood flow and penis shape, but also depends on the destination of the penis. (Bravo! 57 hard dicks, and no friends. And, no, I was not an invited witness or otherwise. This is indeed earth moving, rocket science thinking, here).

Previous studies have found that the force required in penetration depends on orifice diameter and lubrication, ranging from 1.5 to 2.5 kg. So, “an individual male may exhibit ED with one partner but not with another,” said Udelson. Brilliant, I say! (Note: Theorem ~ lubrication is to slick as Euler is to “oiler”).

Not to belittle Doctor Udelson’s research, as I’m always a little miffed with myself for lack of self-pressure and sometimes desire, when long ago I too was in the protective womb of the University. I sincerely hope the trustees at Boston U fully appreciate the painstaking thrust behind this climactic study and future ramifications.

Likewise, due to restraint, my spotty homage to Leonhard Euler is nothing more than embarrassing. Euler’s principles enabled erection of taller structures, most notably and firstly; the Eiffel Tower, and he was indeed a man who came well before his time.

As a belated birthday tribute, I relate in 1727, Leonhard entered the “Paris Academy Prize Problem competition,” where the problem that year was to find the best way to place the masts on a ship. He won second place, losing only to Pierre Bouguer, a man now known as “the father of naval architecture.” Euler, however, would eventually win the coveted annual prize twelve times in his career. (”Hey, Sailor Boy!” Three closing notes here: 1. On losing the prize, “getting it up is not the same as getting it in.” 2. On
twelve subsequent conquests; “try, try again, patience is a virtue, all good things…” 3. To Pierre Bouguer; “whatever floats your boat”).

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

Our Research ~ Journal reference: UK Journal of the Royal Society Interface (DOI: 10.1098/rsif.2007.0221)

 

GAINMAS

“The Kitten Killer of Hangzhou”

CAUTION: THIS STORY IS DISTURBING

A man in North Carolina opened a crate of goods just arrived on a freighter from China and was surprised to see a cat inside. The cat had chewed through one of the boxes before it left Shanghai this past April 3, and spent at least 35 days without food or water, on the ship inside the container packed with motorcycle gear.

The man saw the cat cowering in a corner, visibly weak, but still alive. He called for assistance from his municipalities animal services agency when the frightened cat would not let him near. The cat was retrieved and given care and was immediately spoken for in adoption. A happy story. The rest is not.

Above - Chinese Stop Animal Cruelty effort poster in very limited circulation. This small, but growing effort is, for the most part, confined to the Internet. Those in support know awareness is the first step.

Above - “Gainmas,” “The Kitten Killer of Hangzhou”

 

Above - Left, dogs sold for food in Shanghai market. Right, cats prepared for meal.

Previously, a handful of concerned people in China were searching for a glamorously dressed woman who has been photographed crushing a kitten to death with her stiletto heels. Gruesome pictures, naturally, first popped up on an Internet website, where they were later reproduced over astonishment in some Chinese newspapers. In one picture, the woman, wearing a cocktail dress with a leopard-print top and black skirt, caresses a tortoiseshell kitten lovingly. Then she puts it on the ground, looks at it - and lowers a stiletto heel on to its head, ending the kitten’s life. The remaining images are graphic and deeply disturbing. The last photograph shows the woman staring into the distance with a puzzled look on her face.

The location for the photographs was identified from a narrow stretch of water in the background as being Hangzhou, a city south-west of Shanghai. A “WHOIS” type Internet trace on the website led to this location, and the mystery woman was dubbed simply, “The Kitten Killer of Hangzhou.” From here, clues began linking the pictures to an international community of animal sadists and fetishists. One website said the sequence was well-known in Japan, where it began as a dark advertisement for a brand of stiletto shoes modeled by “The Kitten Killer.”

Hitting a dead-end, the search returned to China when an Internet surfer came across a picture of a 37-year-old woman from Hubei province with the Internet nickname “Gainmas,” she had registered on a website in Hangzhou, China. More sleuthing produced evidence she had recently bought a pair of stilettoes on eBay. “Gainmas” was also registered with “QQ,” a popular Chinese messaging service, where she included the “About Me” profile; “I furiously crush everything to do with you and me.”

Realizing she had been discovered, her QQ address went dead, but not before several messages had been recorded. In one, she is smug, saying “So what?” when asked if the pictures are of her, and then, when asked again, replying; “In theory.”

Subsequently, she was physically located by a reporter and questioned, and defensively said; “Suddenly hundreds of people are on my QQ and cursing me. What’s the problem if I crush cats? It’s a type of experience. You wouldn’t understand.”

She’s right, I don’t understand. What I do know is that what we consider violent and criminal behavior toward animals is rarely covered, and taboo as to pictures in China’s press. You see, there are no regulations preventing cruelty to animals in China. As a result, “Gainmas” is left free to her desires without fear of prosecution.

This story and the photographs (I decided to pull before posting this) would have never seen the surface if not for the Internet, the only real resource of hope for the slow, but growing social conscience of some in China. Though efforts continue to censure the Internet, the Chinese government is finding it virtually impossible to stop, the “virtual.” Good news, bad news. Wouldn’t you know that because of the “publicity,” copycat (sorry, no pun) kitten killers are popping up on the Internet in China, the latest in Xinhau. Same “MO,” pictures more grotesque.

What’s going on here is maybe more than can be imagined and can be splintered into endless topical permutations, way far beyond where I’m prepared to go today. Those who care about animal welfare, do not lose the fundamental premise here; animal cruelty is a crime whether or not punishable by law, which is not the case in China. Misunderstandings over SARS, avian flu and rabies have led to mass extinction of chickens and other fowl in China. Some feel these very killings brought “the wrath of God,” who repayed with yet more disease. Dogs and cats are a big source of food in China, notably Shanghai.

Is animal S&M a growing entertainment fad in China? Is government control over the media in the face of an economic boom leading to other outlets of self-expression? Is Google selling your identity to the Chinese in payment for entry to a market of kitten killers? Are we receiving poisoned pet food from China as some form of economic punishment? Who knows, and see what I mean? Endless. “Gainmas” said it; “you wouldn’t understand.” As sick as I perceive her mind by my standards, shared or not, the infamous “Gainmas” knows something.

I’ve been trying to get in touch with that man in North Carolina who found the cat, to commend him for his efforts. I came to find out they named the cat “China.” For my own arrogant reasons, I wanted to persuade him to rethink naming the cat to my choice; “Gainmas,” the mysterious cat that knew something, and also got away.

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING”

 

AMERICAN IDOL

GOLLY! WHO WILL BE THE NEXT?

Mama Cass, Luther Vandross, Elvis Pressley, Arethea Franklin… Go to the official AMERICAN IDOL website, you can’t miss the fast food ad for HOT JUICY BURGERS. Forty Million viewers. The finale is a can’t miss!

Fat People Don’t Deserve to Succeed. At least not when they’re going to win American Idol and be in the public eye. Watch Neil Cavuto and MeMe Roth of the National Action Against Obesity committee argue that Blake Lewis should win because he’s thinner. or, maybe, less prone to heart disease and diabetes.

FALSE IDOLS? AMERICAN TRAGEDY?

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

 

TWO BUCKS

“Check your air, Mister?”

How much is gasoline where you’re complaining from? Lately, gassing-up is right there with opening the 401K statement when it comes to shits and grins. Some of you are paying over $4.00 a gallon, and it may be a while before we see the peak. Remember, we’ve got the summer to drive around dodging hurricanes, and after that comes winter, which I predict will bring colder than present temperatures, and together prices surely aren’t going south, so, just learn to deal with the pump and your now “201K.” Supply, demand, gouging, stupidity, uprisings, weather, bad dog food, tainted catfish, and more explain high gas prices. Now you know.

Take a look at the cities above and what they are paying per gallon in USD. If you kind-of back into the numbers and average prices around the US, and forget about including indexing pork belly futures or some other nefarious global statistical kabob skewer, it’s obvious we are getting hosed. By my calculations, the figure is a staggering two bucks a gallon. The choices are clear, according to what the experts say. Buy a smaller car, use ET looking light bulbs, or don’t wipe your ‘windshield’ anymore. Well, none of that for me, I am a comfort creature. I want my two bucks back because two bucks is two bucks where I’m from, so I might just move to one of these ten cities and hang on to my money. Want to drive along? I’m glad for the company.

“A TWO DOLLAR CRUISE”

1. Caracas, Venezuela - population: 3, 276,000. $0.14 a gallon, wow! Take a good look at the picture. The Caracans totally redefined the purpose of the Cul de Sac. See that little tiny spit of asphalt in the center of the photo? It’s unbelievable. See the second, third, etc. row homes? There’s no driveway taking you there, and you park your car elsewhere and walk home, if you can figure out which house is yours. This explains the popularity of amphetamines in Caracas. The whole place grew up never knowing the benefit of urban planning. Forget about picking the right neighborhood, there are whole “cities” within the city of Caracas, and they play by different rules and laws. Some have water and power, and some don’t. Why drive? Where’s your two bucks going? Shoe leather. This is not going to work.

2. Baku, Azerbaijan - population: 2,036,000. $1.15 a gallon. Why the jump? You get what you pay for - the wind. It never stops. Northern polar air influences blow through the oil fields into the city and right out to the oil tankers filling up in the Caspian Sea. It’s not cold, per se, but learn to speak Russian and find something to do in the oil business, you’ll need to, and without question, your two dollars is going to either be spent on hair spray or a ball cap. I hate wind.

3. Dushanbe, Tajikistan - population: 7,320,000. $1.32 a gallon. OK, I’m getting nervous. See the scenic mountains in the background and wonder why the pretty lady isn’t up there hiking or picking anemones? Well, her nervous system might be shot by all the uranium they mine up there. There are some very strange medical conditions going on in Dushanbe, and now that the war is “dying” down, Tajikistan is promoted by the department of tourism as a mountain climbers dream. Sounds to me like a plot to get your two bucks after your thyroid explodes. Don’t give it away though, buy yourself a good Geiger counter - clicking noises are your friend. Dushanbe and Boulder, CO are sister cities, which makes perfect sense to me, as there is truly something in the water in both.

4. Atyrau, Kazakhstan - population: 150,000. $1.35 a gallon. Alright, decent size town and cheap gas. Atyrau is pronounced “at raw,” and they mean it. This is rough, tough country, land and otherwise. Really, the only reason the place exists is because of the gas, not the price, getting it out of the ground. Talk about zero culture, my 85 year old grandmother has more history on her than Atyrau. This is West Side Story, meets the Hatfields and McCoys while outrunning Jesse James rushing for the 1849 gold. There are the “natives,” the Kazakhs, and the ex-pat Turks, who believe they bought the place. “We will f(use)k your women, Kazakh,” is a common greeting at the “office,” and it ain’t rhetorical like calling somebody a ‘ho with nappy hair. Your two dollars here is best spent topping off the tank and getting out of Dodge. It’s scary here.

5. Almaty, Kazakhstan - population: 2,000,000. $1.36 a gallon. I’m not being totally fair to anybody here, and things do get better in Almaty, thanks to oil money. You can land in the good airport and find modern lodging, but being a vegetarian because my dog talked me into it, I don’t know about eating “chuzhuk.” Sounds Russian for “up-chuck,” doesn’t it? You might, after your waiter informs this is horse meat sausage, quite the “tooth-picker” here. Almaty is the end of the line for the Siberian railroad - period. The area is prone to earthquakes and mudslides, and certain areas look like the surface of the moon thanks to active mud volcanoes. They are wild to watch bubble, and many locals don’t even know about them, so get a map, or call me! This place gets on your nerves quickly, and evidently, the government felt the same, as Almaty was the capital of Kazakhstan until it decided to move in 1997. Broken things, that we take for granted, like railroad tracks, just don’t get fixed. You simply step around it here, as, “if it’s broke, why fix it?” The Soviet Union melt-down had it’s good an bad sides, and you get to live with both here. Two dollars to spend? Do the equines a favor and brown-bag a PB&J.

6. Moscow, Russia - population: 10,469.000. $1.45 a gallon. It’s cold here, but you knew that. People are rude here, and I know the reason. It’s a bathroom issue. Did you see the picture? That’s a Moscow street public men’s room, and actually, not a bad one. You have to pay to go to the bathroom in Moscow, everywhere, even McDonald’s, unless you’re eating. The bathroom in this picture does not have doors, and it’s cold, but you imagined that, and the bathrooms really smell, with or without doors. See the “attendant” on the throne? He was either dead or dead drunk, I do not know, and you’ll enjoy your life longer by avoiding both types in Moscow. If Rudy Guilliani flunks in 2008, he would be a God-send for Moscow. New York City returned to smiles, thanks to Rudy and Charmin licking the bathroom issue. Two dollars here is worth every penny spent on toilet paper. It’s very hard to find, and Cheryl Crow would go completely unnoticed in Moscow.

7. Shanghai, China - population: 18,670,000. $1.48 a gallon. The air pollution here is the worst in the world. The picture does not depict an unusual day. Shanghai is the Sasquatch of all carbon footprints. What’s causing it? What’s not causing it. Money is way too important in Shanghai. There is no “EPA,” and very little effort to stop this. This picture should be answer enough as to why China would not sign Kyoto. I don’t see any solution to this, as the government condones it, and the public is forced to live with it. I asked a Shanghai bud about this, and he said fear was the main kindling fueling this mess. The best the would-be Chinese Al Gores can do is call attention to the problem via the Internet, and hope they don’t get caught and shut down, or worse. If you’re thinking about a vasectomy, save your money and move to Shanghai. Male infertility is 20% higher here, and they think the cause might be the air. Also, animal cruelty is a horror story in Shanghai, and I’m finishing a piece on that. There are no laws preventing animal cruelty, and mass slaughter under the guise of rabies amok, and eating dogs and cats is common in Shanghai. You can kick a dog to death for no reason in front of the police station if you wish, without fear of prosecution. This, and far worse, sadly happens. Save your two bucks for an iron lung or stomach in Shanghai.

8. Tianjin, China - population: 10,240,000. $1.54 a gallon. You know how we have hurricane tracking and are getting better with tornadoes and tsunamis, sort-of? Tianjin over the past couple of years has been developing technology to do the same with recurrent sandstorms sweeping out of Mongolia. It’s hard to equate a sandstorm. I guess, a white-out blizzard is close, but not equal. Blowing sand hurts, as you can imagine from the photo, and depending on the intensity, you cannot see, hear, or worse - move. It’s a very helpless sensation. These storms are bionic, and it’s like God at work relocating his deserts. Once this stuff gets going, it circles the globe. There are some jaw dropping satellite photos on the NASA site. Your two bucks will get you some aloe-Vera, needed if you’re caught with your pants down.

9. Bangkok, Thailand - population: anybodies guess. $1.60 a gallon. The “registered” population of Bangkok is 7,000,000, but this figure is a figment. The real number is closer to 15,000,000, and growing, thanks to the outlying areas flooding the city every day. Bangkok’s biggest bane is the traffic. No, that’s not rush hour in the picture, that’s every hour, every day, all day and night. Bangkok is fun, and you will have a good time, provided you can get where you want to be. If you’re the “type A,” go-getter business person with aspirations of making five power meetings a day around town, forget it. Traffic crawls, and a half-mile an hour is not too shabby. People set their evening social schedules around distance in Bangkok, which can also limit your circle of friends. I wouldn’t feel guilty about regretting an invitation to a party over two miles away, as the host expects as much anyhow. One thing maybe you’ll miss about driving in Bangkok is making a left turn. You get to go around the block here a lot to get there. I’ll never understand why they equip autos in Bangkok with turn signals or mirrors, totally unnecessary options. Clearly, you will not save any money on gas, as it simply idles away.

10. Vientiane, Laos - population: 200,000. $1.66 a gallon. You probably won’t drive here, because there is not much reason. So, this capital city of Laos is truly the place to stretch your petro-funds. Good food with the expected French influence, and great beer. Everything and everybody moves slowly here, and after a couple of days, you might find yourself checking the calendar for the right month. Did I mention the beer? The Mekong River runs through town, and can sometimes turn the place into a mud pit, but there’s plenty of beer. This is a good rest stop before moving on.

I could conclude by saying, “see, it’s all relative,” but it’s not. The likelihood of me relocating to any of the above is not going to happen by my volition, and gas prices hurt. What can you do? Search for the filling stations with TV’s built into the pumps to avoid looking over your shoulder for an approaching sandstorm, because that’s not going to happen either. Cheers!

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm

 

NON MALE

…That’s “Not Bad,” in Italian, and the only line in this 2:00 minute “commercial” from Shell and Ferrari. Formula-1 racing is the most watched sport in the world, and easily the most expensive. It costs between one-half to a billion US a year to operate one of these babies, and Ferrari blows everybody away with a 23% win record. This film is nothing short of awesome, celebrating Ferrari’s 60th birthday and long association with Shell. Turn up the speakers, and check the windows to be sure they are double-pane! Cost to produce this in multiple world locations was reported to be just shy of $4 million, which actually is no big deal at, where are we today, $4.00/gallon? Hey, if you have to ask…

Ferarri - “Shell Documercial“

ENZO ANSELMO FERRARI built the first Ferrari road car, the 1947 125 S 60 years ago. Ferrari’s sole motivation for the endeavor was his passion for racing and he never intended his creation to become a mere accessory to the rich.

In fact, Ferrari was reported to have developed revulsion to wealthy patrons who bought his cars because of the prestige attached to these and not because of their performance. Another noteworthy fact about the history of the Ferrari is its successful technical partnership with Shell. Shell provides the fuels and lubricants that powered the first Ferarris in the 1940s. Counting the years 1974 to 1995 as an exception, the relationship continued until today and was hailed as one of the most successful technical partnership in the history of motorsport.

This enduring collaboration was celebrated in the new Shell commercial entitled Circuit featuring the metamorphosis of the Ferrari car through the years as it roared into the different streets of the world. First we see a blood-red 1952 Ferrari F500 speeding down a tree-lined road in Italy. After the car took a sharp right hander, the car changed into a 1967 Ferrari 312 and so were its surrounding, which has now become New York City, USA.

Careening to the left, the car was transformed into a 1970 Ferrari F213B cruising through the streets of Hong Kong. A few more blurs and the car was changed into a 1997 Ferrari F310B creating a stir among bathers at Ipanema beach in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. After emerging from a tunnel, the Principality of Monaco now looms in sight with the car now turned into a 2003 Ferrari. Finally, back in Italy, the car is transformed into a 2006 F1 Ferrari—pulling up to a gas station where a surprise attendant refuels it with a Shell-V power.

Except for the one liner “Not bad,” blurted out in Italian by the gas station attendant, the 60-second commercial is devoid of dialogues. Instead of words, the creators opted to use the distinct roar of the Ferrari engines and stunning visuals to capture the essence of the car and the fuel that runs it.

The new Shell-Ferrari TVC continues to receive accolades from around the world and has become a favorite post on many video-sharing websites. In addition to the recognizable red blur, one element that will surely be remembered from the Circuit commercial is the mighty roar of the Ferrari engine which epitomizes the passion and exhilaration associated with motor sports.

Recognizing Shell’s contribution to Ferrari’s success on and off the race track through the years, Enzo Ferrari beamed, “ The people at Shell are always aware of the great importance of the experience gained in motor racing, and that is why the company continues to achieve such exceptional results.”

$40 Billion Adult “Sandbox” Ferrari Theme Park, Yas Island, Abu Dhabi, Saudi Arabia. A ten-lane freeway will connect the island, about one-third the size of Abu Dhabi. Completion of the Ferrari Park is scheduled for 2009.

Ferrari does not advertise, nor is there need, but their marketing people are savvy in leveraging exposure around the globe.

Aldar to build Ferrari Theme Park on YAS Island: ALDAR Properties, Abu Dhabi’s leading integrated real estate development company, has announced to sign an exclusive contract with Ferrari to construct the Ferrari Theme Park on ALDAR’s YAS Island project. Built around the legendary Italian auto company and featuring an interesting mixture of attractions, the theme park will consist of family rides, driving school and virtual simulations as well as retail merchandising for people who wish to truly live Ferrari.

Ronald Barrott, CEO, ALDAR, said, “This relationship will allow ALDAR to create an exciting destination within Abu Dhabi that offers something for the entire family and underlines the already strong relationship between the Ferrari brand and ALDAR. Abu Dhabi is a fast growing market and Formula 1 is integral to its commercial growth. ALDAR has shown a firm commitment to Formula 1 with the ongoing development of Yas Island, but the partnership with Ferrari profoundly deepens our involvement and widens the profile and reach of the company”.

The development will provide leisure and entertainment for the whole family with a racetrack, numerous rides and attractions, an opportunity to allow visitors to experience the story and history of Ferrari, to participate in Ferrari motoring activities, and to experience the Ferrari brand through virtual simulations. A component of the racetrack is integrated with the Ferrari Theme Park for the Ferrari Driving School experience. ALDAR creates world-class real estate developments in Abu Dhabi, while providing a stable and profitable investment portfolio for its investors.

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING” sm